


The Finest Agent

by HeavenlyDisaster



Category: Gestalt - Fandom, Mystalt - Fandom, The Rook (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a capital aaaaaaaaaaaaah!, Canon Compliant, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2020-12-24 13:02:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21099896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenlyDisaster/pseuds/HeavenlyDisaster
Summary: Gestalt knows from day 1 that something is up.  They just never anticipated the real reason."The inner monologues are enlightening and honestly cracked me up laughing too."- simpleflower"Oh. Ah. Ouch, my heart."- cofkett"I love!!!! Can't wait for more."- Courtney





	1. Sunday

They got home at four in the morning. Still reeling. 

The feel of her hands on them burned through all four bodies. The taste of her lips still on their tongues. The way she’d smiled at them. Breathless. Excited. Just like they felt.

They tugged their clothes off and tried to push thoughts of Myfanwy from their mind to no avail. The way she’d jumped and almost knocked them both off the chaise lounge when they’d snuck the rest of their bodies into the coat room. How she’d giggled after they’d assured her it was just them.

“Good Farrier’s already left for the night,” she’d murmured before kissing them again.

“It’s two in the morning. Most people have left for the night.”

She’d frowned at that. She hadn’t realized it was so late. Myfanwy who preferred to spend her nights quietly in her flat hadn’t spent a night out past midnight in years. Still, she’d made no move to get up or leave.

They had still touched her shyly. Ready for her to change her mind in a heartbeat. Maybe a spur of the moment romp with one body was one thing, but now they were all there. She’d grabbed the hand on her shoulder. Alex’s. They had held their breath. But she’d pulled it to her lips and kissed their fingers.

Gestalt lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. The sky was already lightening. A misty grey. They shut their eyes. Just a few hours was all they needed.

It was ten when they awoke. Myfanwy was the first thing on their mind. Her hands. Her lips. Her smile. 

They prepared breakfast and tried to think of how to proceed. They’d played the long game so far. Pining quietly these long years. Always letting Myfanwy set the pace. Always letting her decide. It seemed it was their turn to make a decision of some kind. She’d made the first move. Sort of. She’d at least encouraged them. So now it was their turn.

Or was it?

_You should call her_.

_No. If she wants to talk she’ll call you._

_Unless she’s waiting on you to call her._

Gestalt toyed with their phones. Decisions decisions. What were the odds that they made the wrong move and forfeited all future opportunities to be with Myfanwy? How likely was it that she was looking for more than a one night stand? 

_Certainly if she were looking for a one night stand she wouldn’t have chosen you. There’re too many strings._

_Call her._

_No. Wait for her to call you._

Four phones brought up Myfanwy Thomas’s phone number.

_Idiot. Just one._

They put three of their phones away and dialed her number on just one. The line rang and rang. Gestalt was becoming less sure with each ring. Finally, her voice popped into their ear. Just her voicemail.

_Do you _want_ to leave a voicemail_?

_What do you say?_

_Had a blast fucking you. _

_It was the single best night of my life._

_Maybe we should do it again sometime?_

_Hope you enjoyed it?_

_If not, maybe I could try again?_

Really_ make it count this time?_

Gestalt grimaced against all their options and just ended the call. They slapped the phone screen down on the dining table and began gnawing at their fingernails. 

_Why didn’t she answer?_

_She might still be sleeping._

_She didn’t get home until late._

_You might’ve worn her out?_

They’d try again later, but they needed an outlet for the pent up energy welling in all four bodies. They changed into their workout clothes and split into two pairs to jog in opposite directions around a block or eight. Across the park maybe.

They arrived back at their flat two hours later. They waited until they were showered and changed before pulling out their phones again. They used a different body to call her this time. They didn’t _think_ it mattered, but they could never really be sure.

The phone rang and rang and then her voicemail message started again. Gestalt slammed the disconnect button and threw their phone across the loft. It was one in the afternoon. There was no _way_ she was still sleeping.

Gestalt began to pace with two bodies. Eliza buried their face in their hands while Teddy jostled their leg impatiently. It was only one. Maybe she _was _still sleeping. Or maybe she was in the shower. 

_What would it mean if she were deliberately not answering her phone?_

_Worst case scenario?_

Gestalt chewed at their fingernails. Worst case scenario was that she hadn’t meant to fuck them. That she regretted it. She wanted to forget all about it. 

_No._

_No. That’s not worst case scenario._

_Bristol. Bristol is worst case scenario._

“Fucking cunt,” they said out loud in four voices.

_Does she think you’re like Bristol?_

Gestalt slammed their palm against the table. They didn’t want to _think_ about the cunt let alone compare themselves to him. They especially didn’t want _Myfanwy_ comparing them to the prick.

Doubts began to swirl in all four of their guts. Alex dropped facedown onto their couch and remained motionless. Robert didn’t stop pacing. Teddy was down to the quick on his left thumb. Eliza’s hands were fisted in her hair so tightly that some of it was coming out.

_What if she really hadn’t enjoyed it?_

_What if you imagined all those smiles?_

_What if she didn’t come?_

_What if she faked it?_

They remembered the way she’d run away from them in the hallway. The way she’d trembled as she tried to catch her breath. They thought she’d been aroused. They might have been mistaken. They were _probably_ mistaken.

Myfanwy had tried to run away from them and unwittingly trapped herself in a room with them. It was all a mistake. A huge mistake. Gestalt had misread the signals. A lifetime of training in the ways of subtle seduction and reading body language and they’d fucked up the one relationship that actually _mattered_ to them.

_But _she_ kissed _you!

_She did!_

She_ did!_

_She _did!

They pulled out their phone again. It was three o’ clock. _How had it gotten so late_? They went in with a game plan. They’d invite her over for dinner. She wouldn’t say no to dinner. If all went well they could have another go. _Really _make sure she came this time. Several times if at all possible.

The phone rang once… twice… and then it went off. Gestalt pulled their phone away from their ear and stared down at the screen. The call screen flashed with the word ‘disconnected’ in bold letters.

_Alright, two options._

_Option one: Myfanwy Thomas is screening your calls._

_Option two: her phone is dead._

_If it’s option two, you could just swing by her place to check on her._

_If it’s option one, she _will_ scream at you if you go over there._

“Fuck!”

“Why didn’t you see her back to her place last night, asshole?” Alex muttered into the couch cushions.

“She hates you now.”

_What’s the worst case scenario now?_

Gestalt slumped on the furniture around the loft. _Best case is she tells her vetting officer._

_Worst case is she tells Farrier._

“She didn’t tell Farrier,” Teddy grumbled. Even if she _had_ it wasn’t like they’d done anything wrong. They didn’t hold her down or force her hand. If she’d told them to leave the room when she ran in there they would have! Furthermore, _she_ had kissed _them_!

But that all sounded disgustingly alike to Bristol’s testimony. Although Bristol’s offenses were far greater than an affair with his teenaged patient. He committed adultery in the tryst. He’d been a grown man seducing a teenaged girl. Gestalt wasn’t like that.

_She didn’t tell Farrier._

_No, Farrier would’ve already been here to berate you._

_The vetting officer though…._

_That fucking discretion questionnaire._

“Ugh!” They groaned all at once. Not to mention the incident would be noted in their personnel files forever. A final nail in their humiliation coffin. And the worst sting was that Myfanwy _didn’t_ love them.

“She couldn’t have told them yet.”

_She has to wait until tomorrow when they’re back in the office._

Gestalt let themselves relax marginally. They could catch her on her way in. Stop her from making a bigger deal out of the incident than necessary. If she wanted to forget it ever happened, fine. She was free to do so. They would never bring it up again.

She _kissed _you _for fuck’s sake!_

They sent a body out to her place while they started dinner. Just to be sure. She either wasn’t home or was avoiding them. Gestalt rang her again, but the call went straight to voicemail. 

They nibbled at their dinner before giving up completely and cleaning it away. They dressed for bed numbly. They had a plan in place. They’d catch her at the office first thing and make sure she kept her mouth shut. 

As they laid down to sleep, they let their hopes stretch their wings. The hope that Myfanwy _hadn’t _been avoiding them. That maybe she’d lost her phone and had spent the day trying to find it. Maybe she’d come by while they were out for their run and they hadn’t realized. Maybe she wanted to be with them as much as they wanted to be with her.

Maybe she loved them, too.


	2. Monday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt knows she's lying. They just don't know why. If only she'd TELL them!

All four phones rang out in the still of the night. Teddy rolled off the bed and answered theirs. All four phones ringing meant something in on the panic lines. Urgent work business.

They were grateful for it. Something not Myfanwy related to keep their mind off what happened. They dressed hurriedly. Millennium Bridge was on the other side of town and time was of the essence.

It took a grand total of twelve seconds for Gestalt to piece together what had happened. Eight bodies, CCTV footage cut, all the bodies wearing Latex gloves. The only curious factor was the amount of bodies. Vulture teams were two or three at most. Eight was excessive.

Two possibilities: competing grab teams or unusually powerful EVA. Given the amount of casualties, Gestalt was hedging on the later. They made a call to Farrier as they surveilled the scene further. The sheer number of bodies was incredible. Whoever they were trying to take was powerful.

The Scotland Yard coroners were working on preliminary reports. Gestalt listened as they worked while keeping an eye out for Farrier. She was the only one that could tell the detective inspector that they were taking the case. And they _were_ taking the case.

They met her at the docks. Nothing about her behavior showed any sign that Myfanwy had spilled. They filled her in as they walked back to the cluster of bodies. A crowd had formed though it was barely four in the morning.

Farrier touched their arm. She looked frazzled. Eight bodies will do that to a person, though. 

“Eliza, wrap up here and follow the bodies back to our morgue. Make sure the personnel are entirely switched over to our guys and collect all the preliminaries from Scotland Yard. Make sure we lock this one down tight.”

“Are you heading back to the office?”

Farrier pressed her lips together. “In a bit. I have to check on something first. I’ll be back in time for the court meeting at nine.”

“Nine?”

Farrier nodded back at the crime scene. “You don’t suppose this presses matters, hm?”

Gestalt gave her a tight smile and nodded. They watched her go as they dove into their tasks. Alex was already back at the office hunting through the CCTV footage of the surrounding area for any signs of where the mystery EVA might have run off to.

Another call came in through the panic lines. Two more bodies not a few blocks from the bridge at a bank. A Lugat affiliated bank. They must’ve gotten the EVA away from the bridge and into the nearest discreet location they could think of to detain them. But that put the mystery EVA’s body count at ten bodies in under four hours.

Whoever the EVA was, they were likely more dangerous than anyone they had ever met.

It was after seven by the time Gestalt made it in to the office. They were reluctant to leave the scene for any amount of time. There was no telling what clues might be hidden in the area. Still, there was the small detail of their other pressing matter.

They stood just outside the office doors waiting for her. At any moment, Myfanwy would walk around the corner and they’d get their answers. Their hearts pounded as they tried to focus on the case at hand.

They pretended to be walking a file down to the morgue when Linda came in. She looked impossibly more frazzled than before. She hardly even took notice of them. Gestalt didn’t know whether to be relieved or insulted.

“Two _more_?” The coroner demanded incredulously. “I can’t split myself in two, Gestalt. I’m not _you_.”

“I don’t split myself apart,” they snapped.

The coroner rolled her eyes and pointed to a cluster of bodies on wheeled slabs. Alex nodded the retainers into their task. She was testing the temperature of the liver of a female Vulture.

By then, Gestalt had waited over an hour for Myfanwy to arrive. She was late. And she was never late. Which meant she _was_ avoiding them. Or something else had happened. They were really starting to worry. She’d left very late Saturday night. Or Sunday morning depending on who you asked. And she’d probably still been a little tipsy. And she was a woman. A beautiful woman left alone in the middle of London where anything could happen to her.

_What if something _did_ happen to her?_

_Why the fuck didn’t you walk her to her car?_

_Or see her home?_

_You fixed her hair and makeup for her, but walking her out of the fucking room was too bloody much._

_If she doesn’t walk around the corner in the next ten minutes I’m sounding the fucking alarms._

Nine minutes and thirty-two seconds later, Myfanwy walked around the corner with Claudia jabbering at her side. She looked completely normal. A little tired maybe. She was pale, but that might have been completely unrelated.

Claudia took a call and Gestalt took their chance. “Myfanwy.”

She stopped and looked up at them. An odd deer-in-headlights look came over her. She swallowed and Gestalt could see the nervousness on her face.

“You haven’t been answering your phone. Where’ve you been?” She kept her eyes on Robert and walked slowly backwards towards Eliza who reached the hallway just then.

“I got stung by a bee.”

_Lie._

“Broke out in hives and overdosed on antihistemines. I slept for _fourteen_ hours, but I’m fine now. Better, thanks.” 

_Lie. Big lie._

“So you’re up to speed on the bankside situation?” The asked with Eliza’s voice. She spun and covered her surprise with ease.

“Yes. Fully up to speed.” 

_Lie?_

_No. Not a lie, but it’s strange._

“Let’s talk in your office,” they suggested. She stared at them blankly. “Now.”

She gave them a tight smile. “Absolutely.” She took a total of three steps before turning back to them with that same uneasy smile. “After you.” She swung her arm out wide. She looked immensely uncomfortable. Their worst fears were being made reality.

Gestalt was vaguely aware of the America as she passed Robert and began prattling to Myfanwy. Gestalt was only half paying attention to the nuisance. She was complaining about being sidelined in an office she didn’t work in a country of which she was not a citizen. How American of her. Always needing to be in charge.

Myfanwy didn’t look like she was paying attention to the American either. She was staring blankly around the office as if it were the first time she’d ever been there. Or she was looking for someone. Her vetting officer, maybe?

“I want to be stationed out of _your_ office, right at the heart of this thing,” the American persisted, talking to Gestalt instead of Myfanwy.

“I work alone,” they said with both voices present for emphasis.

Gestalt took advantage of the American’s change in focus and urged Myfanwy back the way they’d come and out to the catwalk. They hadn’t been holding her that hard, they didn’t think.

“Ow,” Myfanwy cried, wresting her arm away from them. They let her go, irritation welling in them. “What are you doing?”

“Stung by a bee?” They challenged. Teddy made it to the upper catwalk and looked down at them then. Alex stepped out into the courtyard. “Or just hungover and paranoid?”

Myfanwy’s face fell. She squeezed the handrail and stared up at them with her blue eyes. 

“Who’ve you told? Your vetting officer?”

Her mouth fell open, but no sound came out. Strange considering how vocal she usually was. They were ready for her to aim for another excuse, but she just stood there with her mouth open as if she were trying to process what they were saying.

“We don’t need to make a bureaucratic mountain out of a mistake.” She wanted a way out? They’d give her one. And then they’d be done with it. “What happened was intense and complicated and….” Her eyes fell. She looked…betrayed? “And I’m not saying that I didn’t enjoy it because I _did_.” They took a hesitant step forward and leaned in to her. “My coat still smells of rose oil.”

_My coat still smells of _you.

They moved their hand to hers on the railing. She flinched at the contact and stared down at their hands with an unreadable expression on her face. The rejection was clear.

“But it was a one time thing.” They nodded to themselves. Three sets of fists clenched until their knuckles were white. “We were drunk. It won’t – it can’t happen again.”

Myfanwy gave a small, uncertain smile. “Okay.” She bobbed her head once. “Never again.”

They felt themselves shattering. Unreal. Their wildest dreams had come true and been dissolved all in less than forty-eight hours.

“Good.” _Not good. The absolute worst case scenario. She didn’t want them back. _They put on their brave face. They suddenly wished it had been their Teddy body they’d sent to confront her. They were better at concealing with that one. “Settled.”

They stepped back and cleared her path back to her office. She was almost away from them. They were almost free of her when they remembered their self-assigned mission. Eliza caught her at the door.

“I meant what I said. Don’t tell your vetting officer. Unless _you_ want to be the one to explain this.”

Myfanwy looked between Eliza and Robert. She looked uncertain. Bewildered. Afraid.

“Didn’t think so.” Eliza had to clear her throat to continue. “I’m glad we could talk this over like adults. It could’ve been messy.”

_Don’t make this any messier_.

“Yeah, thank goodness.” She was a little breathless. Uncertain even.

They used both voices then. Emphasis, yes, but Myfanwy had always been fascinated when they spoke together. It always got her attention when they needed it. And _god_ but they needed it.

“I was concerned that you of all people wouldn’t be able to keep your emotions in check.” It was a cheap shot. A dig at her past with the therapist. They left quickly to avoid seeing the hurt in her eyes they were certain was there. Nothing compared to their hurts in that moment, but it was incredibly unkind of them.

She was fidgety during the court meeting. Quiet. Unusually so. They tried to focus on the case. Ten dead bodies and an unknown EVA on the run. Should be just fascinating enough to keep their attention. Unfortunately, Myfanwy was an even bigger draw. Even after everything.

_Why can’t you just hate her?_

_Forget her!_

_Reject _her_!_

_Is she having a panic attack?_

Her breathing was shallow. Her fingers dug into her arms and her eyes were darting everywhere. The hypervigilance she often got when she was having an attack. 

The Home Secretary called the meeting and Linda sent them off to work the case before they could offer her support. Myfanwy was out of her seat and bolting through the office before Gestalt had made it a few steps from the conference room.

_Strange._

They might’ve sent a body to check on her if they hadn’t seen Farrier chasing after her. Myfanwy was Farrier’s favorite. It was no secret. She was the neediest of the Glengrove graduates. Farrier loved to be needed.

By the time they’d gotten back down to the morgue, the coroner had finished up one of the bodies. She handed them the report with some snide remark they didn’t pay attention to before they started to read.

It didn’t take long to find a nugget of information they could run with. A filling in the woman’s tooth. Soviet made. That meant it was Lorik’s goons dead at the bridge. And the bank. All the confirmation they needed was there in that one tooth.

Of course they weren’t going after Lorik. There was some spoken or unspoken agreement that pit them against each other but made certain that their paths seldom crossed. Still, the Russians were their only lead. And they’d been warming up an unwitting asset in the Russian Embassy.

Farrier didn’t believe Gestalt could be discreet enough. She always underestimated them. Gestalt had had enough of being rejected that day. They’d be careful, but they weren’t stopping without solving the case. Myfanwy or no Myfanwy they could still do their fucking job.

They dropped their Alex body off at the crime scene to oversee the clean-up and documentation. The bodies were all stowed carefully back in the Checquy’s morgue, but the ground was still broken and evidence was still scattered like shards of glass around the site. Literally. The pavement had turned to glass in certain areas.

Alex frowned at the spot one of the scientists was digging. They’d seen fulgerite before. At Glengrove. Or… after Glengrove. After Myfanwy had…. They shook themselves. They didn’t need to think about her just then. They had a case to work.

“We’ve got the transportation order for the fulgerite and blood samples, sir.” A retainer held out a tablet with the report for him to sign off on. “And Rook Thomas is here.”

“What?” Gestalt froze and looked up. “What’s she doin’ here?” They muttered to themselves.

“Said you knew about it, sir. Authorized it.”

She was leaned over speaking to the fulgerite scientist. Inescapable. Or maybe she was looking for them. Maybe she’d changed her mind about this morning. 

“Myfanwy!” Her head snapped up. She looked like she’d just been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “A word?”

They signed the transportation order and passed the tablet back to the retainer. Myfanwy tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and wouldn’t meet their eyes. She didn’t stop moving when she reached them. She hadn’t really stopped moving all day. Fidgeting. Shifty. Alerting the world that she had a secret.

“What’re you doing here? You should be at the office.”

“Yeah, I’m on my way.”

_Lie._

“Just thought I’d come see it for myself.”

“Since when? You haven’t made a site visit in years.”

_Tell me it’s me._

_Tell me you wanted to see me._

_Tell me you needed to see me so badly you decided to leave work in the middle of the day to track me down._

“Since ten people died and the pavement turned to glass. An event of this magnitude requires a significant level of document –”

Gestalt snagged her elbow and pulled her to a stop facing them just out of the walkway. They were getting beyond tired of her lies. Especially such terrible and obvious ones. Like she didn’t know they could read them like a passage from a book.

“Be honest.” She looked up at them fearfully. “Did you come here to see me?”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. They couldn’t blame her. They’d never been so forward before. Not with her. Still, that reserved look stayed put.

“You are here all the time,” the Russian asset cooed in Eliza’s ear. “Like you live here.”

“No, I –”

“If you did –”

“I didn’t.”

“_If_ you did.” _Carefully. Don’t put too much pressure on._ “That’d be okay.” They gave her a small smile. “Maybe we were too quick to write this off?”

Myfanwy’s mouth fell open again and they watched her hunt for words. She dropped her eyes and Gestalt felt their four stomachs plummet at the same time.

“You know, I can make you a better drink in my room upstairs,” the Russian crooned. He smelled of cigarettes and vodka. A far cry from rose oil and champagne.

“Hm, I think I like my room better.” They could hear the stilt in their words. The insincerity. Their target did not. 

_Idiot_.

“Or maybe not,” they muttered.

“Gestalt –” She started another lie.

“No need.” They didn’t want to hear another lie. They didn’t want to hear another word. “I get it.” They didn’t. “You’re fine with reaching inside all of me when you’re drunk, but in the sober light of day you can’t even look at me.” They were bitter and they were done trying to hide it.

“I was quite drunk, you know. My memory’s a little hazy.”

_Lie_?

Why was she lying about that now? And why was it only a half lie? And which half was she lying about exactly. There was no need to lie anymore. They were settled.

“Even better.” They decided to go along with the lie. “You don’t even have to pretend it never happened. As far as you’re concerned, it never did.”

She started to speak again. Another lie bubbling its way to the surface. They turned away again. They had work to do. Ten dead bodies and pavement turned to glass and mysterious killer EVAs and other important work. More important than Myfanwy Thomas.

They made it the rest of the day without falling into the rabbit hole that was Myfanwy Thomas. They worked out a location for the Vulture grab team though they did not find any further information on the EVA they had been tracking.

Their only nuisance was the American’s intrusions. Arrogant and pushy and self involved. Forcing her way onto their case when she had no right being a part of it in the first place. Her boyfriend was killed at the bridge. Well, that’s what you get being a Vulture.

“Gestalt,” Farrier called when they were on their way home. “I need you to pick up Myfanwy. She’s at the pub on Ashburn.”

“She’s drunk?”

_What the _fuck_ is going on with her?_

“If she isn’t by now, I’m sure she will be by the time you get there.”

“Fine. Anything else?”

They could practically hear Farrier’s disapproval through the phone. “Yes, actually. I need you to keep an eye on her over the next few days. Tell me where she goes and who she meets and do _not_ under any circumstances tell her I told you to track her. Am I clear?”

_What the fuck is going on!? _

“Crystal.”

They tried to work out just what might have caused Farrier to order a tail on her favorite agent. They were coming up empty. The only notable thing that had happened in the past few days was the incident with them at the Founder’s Feast. Unless something had happened in the twenty-eight hours between leaving them and coming in to work that morning.

They pulled to a stop beside her Mini-Cooper and Robert jumped out. They checked her car to make sure she hadn’t been in or around it in the time it had taken them to get from the office to the bar.

_What the hell happened?_

_Why wouldn’t she tell you?_

_Does she think you aren’t reliable anymore?_

_She never hid things from you before._

They gritted their teeth as they walked into the pub to find her sitting at the bar. A cluster of empty glasses sat in front of her and she was clutching a martini between her hands.

Gestalt felt the old feeling dredge up again. From the very first day they’d been enamored with her. She was beautiful, of course, but she was also kind and smart and funny. She was always so much more than met the eye.

So what was happening now? What wasn’t meeting their eye? Something was wrong. Different. They just couldn’t figure out what it was. 

_And she won’t _tell _you_!

Their frustrations returned tenfold. “Keys.”

Myfanwy jumped in her seat and turned to look at them. “Excuse me?”

“Your car. I need the keys.”

She grimaced because apparently the idea of being in a confined space with them was too abhorrent to stomach. She gave her head a slight shake. “I told Farrier –”

“I’m driving you home,” they declared firmly and without room for question. They nodded at the littler of empty drinks as if she’d forgotten them there. “You’ve been drinking.”

_She’d been drinking the other night and you didn’t drive her home._

_Now something’s happened with her and she won’t tell you._

_Something that might not have happened if you’d just taken her home._

Myfanwy swallowed and dropped her head shamefully. “Yeah.” They waited as she fished her keys out of her coat pocket. She looked so sullen. So bereft.

Some desperate part of them wondered if it had anything to do with them. Maybe she didn’t reject them out of lack of interest or desire, but out of fear. They’d been a bit hasty in their dismissal of their night of passion.

They tried to give her what they hoped was a reassuring smile as she placed the keys in their outstretched hand. It was only a split second before they remembered that she was hiding something from them. Keeping secrets. Their bitterness returned before they even reached the car.

She glanced over at Eliza in the black SUV as they held the passenger door open for her. A force of habit. 

_You are _not_ bringing it up again._

_She has made it clear as bells that she doesn’t want to talk about it._

_Drive her home. That’s all._

Maybe_ you can tell her to have a good night._

The air was quiet between them. The silence was charging the air making it difficult to breathe. Difficult to focus on anything other than the smell of her rose oil perfume that was so strong in her seat. Soaked into the fabric after years of her sitting just where they were wearing it day after day.

She was fidgeting beside them. No amount of alcohol seemed to have settled her nerves. 

_What the fuck does she have to be nervous about?_

“So… we’re not… talking, then?” She started.

_Oh _now_ you want to talk?_

_But you don’t _really_ want to talk._

_Or you’d tell me what’s got you so rattled._

_What’s got fucking _Farrier_ so rattled._

They adjusted their grips on the steering wheels. They had to set down the knife they were using to fix dinner and take a few calming breaths before continuing.

“Better we don’t.”

“Because…?”

Their anger flared. Their frustration. “Because if we talk I’m going to ask you what the fuck is going on.” _Calmly. _“And… _you_ won’t like where the conversation goes from there.”

They were fucking unraveling. They had decided to be indifferent. To put her out of their mind. _Three _fucking times already! And she always popped back up to drive them deeper into their madness. Just a few hours. A few days without her around every fucking corner. Waiting to break their hearts anew. That’s all they needed to get their heads straight.

“Great,” she said with false cheer. “So you’re pissed at me.”

_Of course I’m fucking pissed at you! What the fuck did you think was going to happen when you started acting like the world’s worst spy?_

_“I’ve got a secret.”_

_“I’m going to fuck you and then treat you like you’ve got the plague!” _

_“I’m going to leave work in the middle of the day and go get drunk at a fucking bar instead because apparently I can’t make up my _fucking_ mind!”_

_And what’s worse is you _won’t tell me the truth!

“This… catastrophe and you’re staging a fucking wine tasting. It’s unbelievable.”

_You gave her fair warning._

“Where is this coming from?” 

_She wants to feign innocence?_

_Bitch._

“Is this about earlier with Alex – with you – us. Back at the bridge?”

_Hasn’t she hurt you enough today?_

_Must she twist the knife?_

“No. This isn’t personal. This is about work.” Not a complete lie. She _was_ getting in the way of the investigation. What the hell was she doing making a site visit out of the blue after _years_ of keeping herself cooped up in her office? What game was she playing? And why? “When you hold onto your rank while fulfilling none of your responsibilities you put all of us at risk.”

They finally risked a glance at her. As bereft as she had looked sitting alone at the bar, she looked positively pissed now. They looked away pushing down the impulse to apologize. 

_Why should you apologize?_

_She’s never apologized to you._

“You’re right. Silence is better.”

“Fine. I’ll drive. You just relax.” They spit the words at her as if they were bullets. 

“_I_ didn’t ask you to drive me anywhere,” she snapped back.

“No. _Farrier_ did. In the middle of a man hunt.” They looked at her again. The proper look of guilt was in place on her face.

_Don’t apologize._

They fell into a tense silence as Gestalt warred with their impulses. They didn’t want Myfanwy angry with them. They wished they’d never left that coat room.

But Farrier _had _ordered them to drive her home from the bar. She’d ordered them to _tail_ her. Tail _Myfanwy_. Her favorite. Her star child. Why?

“I don’t know why she protects you.” Their anger wouldn’t be contained any longer. Not that it was doing a great job being contained in the first place. “Wraps you in her skirt like it’s Bristol all over again.” Like she’s on the verge of blowing up another building. And Farrier would just brush the bodies under the rug and kiss Myfanwy and tell her everything’s alright.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

_Don’t. Apologize._

Gestalt swallowed back the sorry that was already in their throat. “You know what it means.”

They rode the rest of the way in silence. The skies opened a few blocks from her apartment and began dumping down on top of them. They pulled to a stop at the front of her building and shut off the car. The apology was still there in their throat. Just waiting to come out.

“Get some sleep. We’ll start again tomorrow.”

_Maybe I can find my civility in the morning._

They opened the door quickly. Before they could do something stupid they didn’t want to think too much on.

“Thanks for –”

They shut the door before she finished her sentence. They didn’t want her to thank them. Not when they’d been such a dick. Not when their apology was still burning in their throats.

They didn’t drive off straight away. The impulse was still there. The desire to get out and walk her inside. To tell her they were sorry for their harsh words. They hadn’t meant any of it. Tell her they loved her and kiss her again.

_Oh, god._

_You’re never going to kiss her again._

_If it wasn’t certain before it absolutely is now._

The drive home was a blur. If they’d gotten any sort of sleep the night before they might not have slept that night. As it stood, they went straight to sleep as soon as their heads landed on their pillows.


	3. Tuesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Myfanwy situation gets more... complicated. Is that even possible?

They woke with Myfanwy on their mind again. Would she ever leave? They sighed at their ceiling as they remembered Farrier’s tracking orders. If she ever did it wouldn’t be any time soon.

They took their time dressing and eating. Myfanwy was slow to rise. Not to mention, they had a CCTV camera outside her apartment building that would let them know when she left. It felt like a disgusting invasion of privacy, but they had their orders.

They sent the Alex and Robert bodies off in the direction of her apartment while the other two headed for the office. The last thing they needed was Myfanwy impairing their investigation further. Ten dead bodies. That merited a certain level of focus.

They weren’t half in when Farrier’s text chimed on all four phones. Eliza opened the text and their stomachs dropped. Teddy slammed the brakes and pulled over to the nearest tube entrance.

**Farrier:**  
Vulture grab team on Myfanwy.  
Meet her in the tube. She knows  
to expect you. Now.

_Vultures?_

_Vultures after Myfanwy?_

Your _Myfanwy?_

Teddy pulled the SUV into a parking spot nearby before quickly shutting it off and dashing to the tube entrance. Robert dropped Alex off at the tube entrance nearest Myfanwy’s flat before driving down the line to the North. They pulled into a parking spot and hopped a train going back the opposite direction. Alex hurried down to the first level in the station closest her apartment and waited.

There was a part of them that was saying this was impossible. There was no way Vultures were going after Myfanwy. She was an active member of the Checquy. She was a Rook. And her powers were dormant. There was no way real Vultures were hunting her.

But when she came careening down the escalator there was no mistaking it. Latex gloves and a stupid face. It took a real lack of grey matter to agree to hunt and capture not only real people in broad daylight, but EVAs. _Dangerous_ people. People with the capacity to kill you as soon as look at you.

Alex hit the Vulture in the throat and wrapped him in a chokehold. Myfanwy stared back at them bewildered. Panting. Terrified.

“Get on the train!” They barked because she wasn’t moving. “And head North!”

They moved up to the escalator with their prize. Filthy cretin. Myfanwy was out of their sight and their panic was mounting. They waited in the last car as the train pulled into the stop and passengers boarded. Once the doors shut, they began moving forward through the cars. Searching. Hoping.

She was running towards them when they found her. A filthy Vulture hot on her heels. They pushed Myfanwy safely behind them and hit him with two fists. They steered him away to a corner of a car before leading Myfanwy back down the train.

They relished in the crunch of bone and spurt of blood beneath their fist. The idiot was trying to take away _their_ Myfanwy. It was completely unacceptable. Disgusting. Myfanwy was not to be touched by the likes of them.

_Overkill, perhaps._

_No. Who knows what this gorilla is culpable of?_

_You can’t kill him._

_Stop now._

They pulled Myfanwy to a stop near one of the doors in a back carriage. She was shaking ever so slightly. They gave her a reassuring smile. She was safe. No matter what happened between them, they would always protect her.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

They snapped from their inner monologue and started at the buttons on their coat. Myfanwy’s eyes dropped to their hands. A look of reserve overtaking her.

“I need yours.”

“My what?”

Gestalt tugged her jacket sleeve. “Take it off and put mine on.”

Myfanwy unzipped her coat flicking her eyes around at the other passengers as they did. Gestalt handed her their coat and slid their arms into hers. Instantly they were surrounded by the smell of her. They wondered if they smelled as sweet to her.

Gestalt tucked Eliza’s hair carefully into the hood on Myfanwy’s coat. “You’re staying on the line for another stop, understand?”

Myfanwy’s eyes widened in panic. “No!” She glanced at a nearby passenger. “I ca–”

“Relax, Myfanwy. I’ll be with you the whole time. Nobody is taking you anywhere.”

She didn’t look convinced. Gestalt had to push away their frustrations. It was one thing when Farrier and Grantchester doubted them, but Myfanwy always had nothing but the utmost faith in their abilities. That she would choose now of all times to lose that faith stung in ways they couldn’t even begin to comprehend.

_Nothing bad will ever happen to you as long as I’m with you._

_I’ll die first._

_I swear it._

The train pulled to a stop and Eliza pushed her back into the carriage as they disembarked. It was a split second before they had her again. They grabbed her wrist and pulled her around. Relief flooded her face at the sight of them.

_Happy to see me now?_

_Now that you need me._

Myfanwy turned and focused her attention beyond them. Waiting for another shoe to drop. Waiting for something more to happen. But they weren’t about – they grimaced. It was difficult to keep the discomfort off their face.

_They _shot_ you?_

_They were going to shoot _her_?_

_Why are you not allowed to kill them?_

They picked up Eliza’s unconscious body first and moved it over out of the walkway. The Vulture body they were less friendly with. They dragged him by his ankles and kicked him until he was firmly up against the wall and out of the way.

“Teddy?”

“Looks like a three man team. Alex has one back at the stop by Myfanwy’s loft. I’ve got one here and there’s one left on the train. And I need a medic. Eliza was shot.”

“They’re dispatching now. Bring Myfanwy straight in.”

_Aw, really? And here I was gonna take her to the zoo._

“Understood.”

Myfanwy was quiet as they exited the station. They held the door to the SUV open for her. She got in without protest and sat numbly as they drove back to the office. No argument. No debate. Not a word. Very un-Myfanwy-like.

_She’s terrified._

_Can you blame her?_

_Maybe._

_Depends on why the Vultures are suddenly breaking the rules._

_And if it has anything to do with what she’s hiding from you._

_Come on, Myfanwy, what kind of shit have you gotten yourself mixed up in?_

They pulled to a stop in front of the agency. She was out of the car in the same second. Gestalt gritted their teeth. Scared or not, they were in the infirmary because of her secrets. And they’d spent way too much time on public transport for their liking. They were just now back at their SUV with their Teddy body.

“That was a close call, but you’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know where you’re getting that idea,” she snapped.

_Oof. She might still be mad at you about last night._

Or _she knows something you don’t._

_Something about why Vultures are after her._

_And you’ve only given her a thousand chances to come clean._

“What have you done to stir up the Vultures?” They were going the direct route. Maybe they could have left her to her devices when it was just their personal lives she was fucking with, but now she was interfering with their work, too.

_Oh, good. You’re victim blaming now._

_She gets harassed by Vultures and it’s all her fault._

_You stupid fucking idiot._

“I’m not saying it’s your fault.”

_Nice save._

_Moron._

“And I shouldn’t have had a go at you last night….” 

_Ah. So that apology finally made its way out._

_God, you’re such a dick._

Myfanwy turned and walked away again. 

_She looks hot in my coat._

_Shut up, you insufferable piece of shit._

_Behave._

They followed after her. She’d tell them what was going on. They were sure about it. Once she understood how much of it they knew, she’d come clean. She would explain the rest.

“Things are weird around here. Farrier ordered me to track you this morning.”

_As if Farrier didn’t know you’d tell Myfanwy about the order at the first opportunity._

“I suppose under the circumstances that was a good thing.”

“I know something’s going on!”

That made her stop. She turned around to face them again. That frightened look was back on her face. The one that had been ever present over the past two days. Did they even dare to hope it had nothing to do with what happened between them?

And all at once the glaring signs were there. All of the strange behavior they had written off as an internal struggle with whatever feelings she did or didn’t have for them. All of it was cast in a new light. It might’ve had nothing to do with them and everything to do with Vultures hunting her down through the tube in broad daylight.

“Something’s different with you.”

She smiled then. “If you say so.” She shrugged and pulled out her keycard to open the stairwell door. She was clearly hoping for a quick escape from the conversation.

_Of all people, she knows what you’re capable of._

_She knows you see everything._

_She knows what you’re thinking._

_And now she’s playing it off as if she didn’t know you at all._

“I _know_ so.”They followed her into the stairwell, unwilling to let her go without getting answers. Unfortunately, Eliza’s body awoke then and the pain of getting shot in the back was coming in hot. “Whatever it is you can tell me.”

She paused in her steps. Slowly, she turned back to face them. There was a look on her face. She would tell them. She was going to explain everything. Just like they’d –

“Oh,” they groaned in four bodies as the muscle spasm rocked through them all.

“Are you okay?” Myfanwy stepped back down until she was on the last step and staring them straight in the face. “What is it?”

They shook their head. They didn’t want to change the subject. “It’s nothing. I was shot. Eliza’s in the infirmary.”

_Stupid Vulture._

She turned and sprinted up the stairs without another word. They scratched their forehead and tried to focus on the laptop screen in front of them. CCTV footage of the Vulture grab team. They couldn’t cut the cameras in the tube.

They weren’t really injured. It was more of a bruise than anything else. The asshole just _had_ to shoot them near the spine. Whatever knockout drug they’d used made their body feel foggy. Like a foot going to sleep. They didn’t like it, but they also didn’t think it meant they ought to be in the infirmary.

They were taking the wires off their chest when Myfanwy’s voice popped up from the door.

“Hi. Thought you might want….” Her face fell as she stared at them in the bed.

They continued pulling at the wires and wraps and other annoyances the staff had put on them. Strange that she’d have that reaction. She’d seen them in far worse conditions before.

“Are you….” She didn’t finish her thought. She looked woozy. Like maybe it was her that needed to be in a hospital bed and not them.

They smiled at her easily. “I told you, it’s nothing.”

She took a small step forward and then another. Gestalt pulled a blood pressure band off and sat up. They groaned as their muscles argued with them over the movement. What they wouldn’t give for one of those 007 licenses. First person they’d take out would be the fucking Vulture cunt that decided to shot them in the back.

Myfanwy’s wooziness didn’t go away. “It was only a sedative,” they assured her.

They tucked their feet back behind them to make room for her to sit down. They were worried if she didn’t she might topple over.

“Yeah,” she agreed sitting down.

She was so close to them now. And the way she was holding their coat. Like a security blanket. 

“Still. I’m so sorry.”

_Sorry?_

_Sorry. _You_ didn’t shoot me._

“Don’t be sorry. It’s my job.”

_Even if it wasn’t. I would never let anything happen to you._

_No matter the personal cost._

“You’re incredible.”

Gestalt was blushing. They didn’t blush. They weren’t school children. And still, their cheeks were hot. One fucking compliment and they were blushing like school children.

“So are you.”

They watched her take a deep breath before dropping her head again.

_Idiot._

_“So are you?”_

_That was the _best_ you could come up with?_

_Four brains with the same brain power of a person with none._

_Quick! Think of a better compliment. _

_Eyes? Something about her eyes?_

_Her personality?_

_Her sense of humor?_

_Fuck!_

“About what happened between us….” In five words, she had their complete attention. Alex stared blankly at the screen in the conference room. Robert descended the stairs in a trance. Teddy drove without really seeing the road. “The other night – I mean I know you said it was a mistake.”

Gestalt stared at her while their heartbeats filled their ears. They knew they’d been too hasty. They’d made her doubt their intentions. Telling her it was a mistake of _course_ she’d think it _was_. No wonder she’d been so withdrawn from them. They’d made _her_ think _they_ regretted fucking.

“I don’t make mistakes.”

_A bold claim._

_For an idiot._

They took a deep breath. Slowly, tentatively, they reached out for her hand. Completely prepared for her to pull away again. Or not. Time would tell. 

Myfanwy didn’t pull away. She didn’t flinch. Not like she had on the bridge. Their eyes dropped to her lips and back again. They licked their own. She kept their steady gaze.

They leaned in. More importantly, _she_ leaned in. They kissed her lightly before meeting her eyes again. Waiting for her reaction. Always fucking waiting on her go ahead. Myfanwy tipped her head to follow their lips before stopping and opening her eyes again.

She didn’t pull away. She didn’t slap them or run from the room. 

_She wants you!_

_She _wants_ you!_

She _wants you!_

_She wants _you!

They cupped the back of her head and kissed her more firmly. Passionately. Not drunk. One hundred percent sober. They were kissing Myfanwy in broad daylight one hund–

_Huh. That’s weird_.

They picked up their now empty coffee cup and stared at it without really seeing it.

Another body stopped walking down the stairs. They were vaguely aware of grabbing the banister to keep the body upright. The third…. Something happened there. They’d deal with it later.

Later when they were finished kissing Myfanwy.

The door opened suddenly and Myfanwy jerked her head away. Gestalt looked over at the woman standing in the doorway and tried to figure out what she was doing there. 

_You’re in the infirmary._

_You were shot by a Vulture._

_You were kissing Myfanwy in the middle of work._

YOU JUST CRASHED A FUCKING CAR!

“Shit!” They jumped down the stairs two at a time and hurried to the vehicle depot.

_Oh, you idiot._

_You complete goddamn fucking moron._

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

Strange they hadn’t remembered which bodies were where until after Myfanwy had pulled away. They stood and moved to the window to clear their heads. Just a few feet of distance to get their compartmentalization back. 

Peter Van Syok was being unloaded from the back of a transport van as Robert drove the tow truck out of the depot. Peter Van Syok. The asshole posing as the Vulture ring leader.

“Look,” they called to Myfanwy.

“What?” She rounded the bed to stand beside them.

They would relish tearing into the goon. “The Vulture we captured,” they explained. “Peter Van Syok. Known member of the Lugat.”

Myfanwy stared down at the man emptily. They could only hope she was still as worked up from that kiss as they felt. They turned and dug through the plastic bag containing their personal affects after their pants.

“I’m going to get dressed.”

Myfanwy stared at them again. Gestalt licked their lips and pressed them together. They nodded their head towards the door and pulled their eyebrows in hoping she understood. And wasn’t offended.

_Why are you embarrassed?_

_She’s seen you naked._

_Mostly._

_You’ve seen her, too._

“Oh!” Myfanwy flushed and spun on her heel. “Sorry.”

The nurse hadn’t left yet. Still waiting to sign her out. Eliza pulled her pants back on before tugging the dressing gown over her head and trading it for her shirt.

“Just sign this form and you’re all set,” the nurse said cheerily.

Gestalt took the stylus and tablet from her and scribbled their name on the form. 

“Just so we’re clear. Rook Thomas was on the other side of the room the whole time.”

The nurse’s smile drooped at the corners. “Well, I wo-“

“The whole time.”

“Yes.”

Gestalt gave her a sweet smile. “Great. I’d so hate for you to face disciplinary action for spreading any sort of rumors.”

They picked up both theirs and Myfanwy’s coat before striding out of the infirmary. Their attention went to Van Syok. The dick that shot them. Apparently an EVA himself. It took all sorts, they supposed.

Grantchester ran the interrogation. Of course it made sense. He could make anyone tell the truth and nothing but. Interrogations were his specialty. Didn’t mean Gestalt didn’t resent the lack of opportunity to beat the creep to within an inch of his life until he told them exactly what they were doing going after Myfanwy.

No matter what Farrier said, Van Syok was _not_ their missing EVA. They knew better. It just circled back to Farrier keeping secrets. Asking them to spy on Myfanwy was a red flag, but this? Was there a color worse than red? Claiming an EVA that plays possum is the target from the bridge and the bank is a neon fucking sign screaming ‘I’m up to something.’

They watched the interview on their laptop in their office. The vehicle depot was being characteristically nosy. They left Teddy to deal with them. They were intimidated by Teddy. Not so much Robert who the mechanics often called ‘Pretty Boy’ when the body wasn’t in the room. Because they were idiots. They also made comments about the Eliza body, but they had already come to an agreement with Grantchester and Farrier about not hospitalizing them.

Myfanwy was in her office the rest of the day. They tried to keep their focus on the investigation, but their thoughts were wandering. They were right back where they’d been Sunday. Desperately trying to figure out their next move.

_What the hell was that earlier?_

_It didn’t feel like that before._

_Did it?_

_Maybe you just didn’t notice because of the alcohol._

By the time most of the office was packing up for home, Myfanwy had already disappeared from her office. They caught Ingrid as she was shoving her arms into her coat.

“Where’d Myfanwy get off to? She didn’t go home already?”

Ingrid grimaced and adjusted her coat collar. “She went down to the Box. To see that creep, Van Syoc.”

Gestalt frowned. They supposed it made sense. She’d want to know why the Vultures were after her. Why she was being hunted. They wanted to know, too. Conrad hadn’t gotten anywhere near the answers they were looking for.

_Still…._

_You’d better go down there._

_Just to check on things._

_Make sure she’s alright._

She looked like she was going to be sick. She stopped when she saw them. A look of relief washed over her. Then that hand-in-the-cookie-jar look came back. 

“You alright?” They asked.

“Yeah.” She was breathless. 

_From seeing you?_

_Or from running up the stairs?_

“I… I know I shouldn’t have been….”

“Why?” Did she really think they were going to yell at her for harassing a Vulture? The same Vulture that _shot them_? Not bloody likely. “You have every right to know what that animal wanted with you.” She gave a slight smile. “What did he say?”

She stepped closer to them. “He kept saying things to unsettle me.”

_Psychological warfare?_

_Strangle him!_

They followed her lead and stepped down to her. “About what?”

_C’mon, Myf, tell me what’s going on._

“Glengrove.”

_Shit._

_And you were just using that to attack her twenty-four hours ago._

_You _dick.

“Sorry.”

“I have nightmares about that place.”

“Yeah, we all do.” They covered her hand with theirs. Just touching her was like sticking their finger in an outlet. Electric. Exhilarating. Dangerous. “Our minds weren’t our own. But it’s okay now. It’s all in the past.” They gave her their best smile. Their best Teddy smile. Not much. Alex had a better smile. Nicer.

_You have the same fucking face, idiot._

_Just smile better._

_Or…. Don’t smile. Just kiss her again._

Footsteps echoed up the stairwell from below. They pulled their hand away from hers and stepped back. They couldn’t just kiss her where anyone could see. And there were cameras. 

_Shit. There are cameras._

“It’s late,” they cleared their throat. “Do you need a lift home?”

Myfanwy smiled again and shook her head. “No, I… I have some things to finish up here.”

Gestalt nodded. They were on the verge of saying fuck it and kissing her right there in the stairwell anyway.

“Gestalt,” Farrier came into their office then. She was looking down at her phone. “The American, Miss Reed, I’m told she’d been nosing around on her own. Anything I should know?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

Farrier gave them that overbearing look that made them feel like they were five years old again. They kept their faces neutral until she shrugged and nodded. 

They walked Myfanwy back up the stairs to her office before grabbing their coats. They were still under tracking orders from Farrier.

“I’ll wait for you,” they told her.

She jumped in surprise and looked up at them. “There’s really no need.”

They used Alex’s face to smile this time. Much better. “No need? You didn’t exactly drive yourself to the office today.”

Myfanwy’s mouth opened again. Her eyes dropped before darting over to her computer screen.

_Please don’t lie to me again._

_I thought we were past this._

She bobbed her head once. “I won’t be long. I’ll meet you downstairs?”

They smiled at her again. “Alright.”

They took two vehicles home. One for Eliza, Robert, and Alex and one for Teddy and Myfanwy. They wanted to kiss her goodnight, but they didn’t want to overstep. She had a determined look on her face. Focused. On something other than them.

“Good night.”

She looked over at them and then up at her apartment building. She unbuckled her seatbelt.

“Night.”

Their hand itched to reach out and grab her. Kiss her once more.

_Better not._

_Why not_?

She shut the door before they finished arguing with themselves. They watched her march through the lobby doors. They drove back to their flat. More questions than answers rattled through their heads.

_It was decidedly _not_ a one time thing._

_And you were so worried you’d never kiss her again._

_Worried she didn’t want you._

They set to making dinner feeling smug. They could still feel her lips on theirs hours later. That tingling feeling like they’d been electrocuted. 

_Maybe her EVA got stronger?_

_That was one of the reasons her tryst with Bristol had been…._

_Ugh. You are _not_ Bristol._

_Nowhere near._

_If sex amplifies her EVA then you just did a phenomenal job on Saturday._

_You’re an idiot. _

_Sex amplifying EVA powers?_

_Such an idiot._

They honestly didn’t care how big of an idiot they were. They were just happy to know Myfanwy still wanted them. It was a dream come true.

Everything was looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken creative license for a few scenes here just to make everything line up okay.


	4. Wednesday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Myfanwy breaks Gestalt's hearts again. Third time's the charm!

It was a game. Started on a whim. At least on their end. Really it had been her that started it.

“What are they? What are they thinking?”

So fucking flirty. Five can play that game.

“What _am_ I thinking?”

Dirty, _filthy_ thoughts.

_You’re thinking that dress hides nothing._

_You’re thinking you can see every tantalizing curve._

_You’re thinking –_

_Fucking Farrier!_

They waited. Biding their time as always. If they couldn’t catch her in the hallways they’d catch her in the coat room. She wasn’t leaving until she finished the game. 

They pressed her back against the pillar. She was surprised, but she didn’t get angry. She didn’t tell them to shove it. She stared up at them with those fuck-me eyes of hers.

They could see the challenge rise up in them. A dare. A game of chicken. She was trying to call their bluff. Only they weren’t bluffing. 

“You look fucking amazing tonight.”

She looked between their two bodies. They’d cheated a bit. Trapping her that way. She blushed and looked down between them. They watched her bite her bottom lip as she smiled. They leaned in with their Eliza body.

“That’s what I was thinking earlier. What am I thinking_ now_?” They murmured in her ear.

She looked up at them then. Her eyes dropped back down to their lips and up again. They waited for her answer. There was no more Farrier to interrupt them this time. They were playing the most tantalizing game of chicken in the world. 

Myfanwy leaned forward and brushed her lips against theirs ever so lightly and they lost. They pulled her to them and shoved her back into the pillar all at once. They kissed her the way they’d been dying to do since they were kids at Glengrove.

Her hands slid over them. Their neck, their hair, their shoulders, their face. Her leg twisted around theirs slowly hitching higher. Fuck were they hard. She broke away and took a shaky breath.

“Sorry,” she gasped. “Sorry, I have to go.”

She shoved past them and raced down the hallway. And she was gone. And they were still hard. And wet. And wanting. But it was only a second before she was there again. The game of chicken started anew before they were crashing together. Colliding and falling and clinging to each other.

“Did I get it right?” She panted with a knowing smile.

“Hm? What?” They were trying very hard to calm their other bodies down enough to walk down the hallway without drawing unwanted attention.

“What you were thinking. Did I get it right?”

“Fuck, Myfanwy, what do you think?”

She grinned. All arrogance and pride. And well won. It had fallen in an instant as they opened the coat room door. Replaced by sobering panic.

“Just me,” they’d assured her with a light kiss.

She relaxed and fixed them with a contented smile. And still they’d been uncertain. Careful. Hesitant until she’d taken their hand and kissed their fingers. Her eye turned mischievous again. Coy.

“Your turn, Gestalt.”

They froze.

_Your turn?_

_Your turn for what?_

_Did she not finish?_

Or_ does she think _you_ didn’t finish?_

They were happy to aim for another tumble. They only wanted to be sure that was what she was asking for.

“My turn?”

Myfanwy rolled her eyes dramatically. She rolled until she was on top of them. She kissed them slowly. Seductively. The sort of kiss that would drive mortal men mad.

She broke away and looked them in the eyes. Alex’s eyes though she was lying on top of Robert’s body.

“What am I thinking?”

* * *

_What is she thinking?_

They stared down at the CCTV footage running on their laptop. Myfanwy had woken up before dawn. Something rare and unusual in and of itself. She had gotten in her car and drove out of town.

It took Gestalt a while to figure out where exactly she was heading off to. Even after they had it hadn’t made sense. She pulled into the vacant lot that was once Gestalt’s childhood home. They switched to the private surveillance cameras they had in place around the lot. Just in case as Farrier put it.

They kept an eye on her as they started in for the office. She walked toward the playground. At least, what used to be the playground. The swing set and slide were more rust than anything else. Broken and falling back into the earth.

Myfanwy crouched and pulled something out of the ground. Something small they couldn’t quite make out. She didn’t look happy when she held it. She looked horrified. Her eyes bounced around the tall grass.

_C’mon, Myfanwy, talk to me._

_Tell me what’s going on with you._

_Let me help._

They moved off in different directions through the office. Alex went to the surveillance bay, but Teddy took the tablet watching Myfanwy back to their office. If Myfanwy was up to something, they’d prefer to know exactly what it was before sharing it with anyone else.

“Morning, Teddy,” Ingrid greeted as she wheeled herself into their office. Teddy shut off the screen and looked over at her mutely. Ingrid smiled and held a packet of paper out to him. “This is for you.”

“What’s this?”

“You asked for me?” Robert greeted Linda upstairs.

Linda was staring at a burner phone in her hand. She looked up when they spoke and got to her feet before grabbing her coat and purse.

Departmental Property and/or Vehicle Damage Report. Teddy frowned at the thick form. 

“Standard procedure. You did excessive damage to departmental property. You already know the form from your field reports. Hitting the parked cars during every day driving is peculiar. Just a few more questions as to what exactly caused the damage. Routine stuff.”

_What caused the damage?_

_Myfanwy’s fucking siren’s kiss caused the damage._

_Can’t say that, can you._

Can_ you?_

“You’ve been keeping a close eye on Myfanwy, I trust?” Farrier demanded.

“She went to the old Glengrove site this morning. I’m not sure what she was doing there. She didn’t meet anybody and only stayed about ten minutes.”

Farrier didn’t seem especially surprised by the news. Only annoyed. That was suspicious in and of itself. Why ask for someone to be tailed if you already know what they’re going to be doing?

“We need to talk about what else happened this morning. I have to get across town so we’ll walk and talk.”

“What else happened this morning?”

_And why are you just now hearing about it?_

“A vehicle transporting an EVA after auction was abandoned and the cargo went missing.”

_Not cargo, Farrier._

_A person._

“Police have arrested two Russians near the can. Monica’s bringing them in for questioning.”

“Why isn’t this on the panic lines?”

_Why weren’t you informed immediately?_

_Is this just something else Farrier is keeping from you?_

“I have redesignated them for the time being.”

_Redesignated them?_

Away _from an ongoing investigation?_

_An ongoing investigation with a double digit body count?_

_What the fuck is going on?_

“What’s Monica got to do with it?”

Farrier gave a wry laugh. “Ask her.”

_Great. One more person to lie to them._

“Oh, and turn off the cameras in interrogation. Nobody needs to know about this now.”

_Oh, so now you’re keeping secrets _for_ her._

_Just the ones you’re allowed to know about, though._

_Can’t trust you with anything bigger._

_God forbid you be treated like a trusted member of the agency that’s been you’re whole life since before you can remember._

“Why the secrecy?” They demanded. Their frustrations were making them slip.

Farrier stopped and turned back to face them. 

_Uh oh._

_You know that look._

“Why the _questions_?”

_Uh oh._

_You know that tone._

“If anyone should understand compartmentalization, Gestalt, it’s you.”

_Shit._

_Shit._

_Shit._

_Shit._

“Questions the Russians, find the EVA, and call me when it’s done.” She turned away and marched quickly off.

_Don’t let anybody mind you._

_You’re just the doormat._

_Just there to be walked all over._

Gestalt turned back for their office slamming their hand against one of the glass doors as they went. They covered a set of eyes with their hands in agitation. The Robert and Eliza bodies went to meet Monica at the police station and collect their new Russian friends.

They stared at the damage report sat in front of them and tried to figure out how to proceed. They couldn’t announce their tryst with Myfanwy on a fucking vehicle damage report. The last thing they wanted was to sit in an hours long meeting with their vetting officers and answer a million intrusive questions about their sex life.

_Unless it meant you could be with Myfanwy in the open._

_You could kiss her in the stairwells if you disclosed it._

_Cameras be damned._

_You could hold her hand no matter who was walking by._

Gestalt chewed their fingernails. They really thought they had nipped that habit in the bud. They blamed the overwhelming stress of the week. 

_You could ask her._

_If she agrees to it, that’s you settled._

_Then you can put the rest of your personal drama to bed while the investigation continues._

_And after it’s finished…._

Their thoughts went back to Myfanwy’s fiery kisses. Her hands pawing at them. That coy look in her eyes that they hadn’t seen since the Founder’s Feast. The look that said she already knew what they were thinking. That she was already thinking the same thing.

_“What am _I_ thinking?”_

_I don’t know now, do I, Myf?_

_And you’re not playing fair._

_You could at least give me a hint._

They walked to her office leaving the damage report on their desk. She wasn’t there. For some reason she had become adverse to her office the past few days. She made them hunt her down. Like a new sort of game they didn’t know they were playing.

“Where’s Myfanwy?”

Ingrid looked up from her computer screen and frowned. “Down in the Archives.”

“What’s she doin’ down there?”

Ingrid pressed her lips together and shrugged. 

_More fucking secrets._

_From Ingrid no less!_

_Is there no end?_

She was squinting at a handful of old documents when they found her. Judging by the amount of boxes and scattered papers all over the desk, she’d been there a while. Looking for something specific. Something important.

_Important to who?_

“What’re you looking for?”

She jumped and dropped the papers onto the desk. “Hi!” She shuffled the papers around. Hiding them. “I’m just doing some research.” She leaned on the desk and aimed for an air of innocence they could read straight through. “What are you doing down here?”

“Looking for you,” they said from behind her.

She spun unable to keep the surprise off her face. The knowledge that she was still keeping secrets from them was weighing on them. The idea that she didn’t trust them hurt. It really hurt. In a way they didn’t think something could.

_Maybe this is still a game?_

_Cat and mouse?_

_So which is her?_

_And which is you?_

“I may have a problem.”

“Depends how we play it.” Her head whipped back around.

“I have to file a report on the Jeep I damaged yesterday.” Head turn.

“While we were doing… whatever it was we were doing.” Head turn.

She huffed out an irritated breath. They let the Alex body smile at that. “Cut it out or I’m going to have to kick you in all four of your testicles.”

_There you are._

_Just like you never left._

_Like Saturday never happened._

_And we were never huge fucking morons._

She smiled and gave a small laugh. “Does it really take two of you to come down here and ask me a question?”

_No._

_Not usually._

_Except you’ve done something to me lately._

_And I don’t entirely trust myself around you._

“The more bodies I have around you, the more it seems to dilute the effect you have on me.”

She grinned at them. Capricious. Arrogant. They were half-expecting her to ask them what she was thinking again. 

“Oh, I have an effect on you?” 

_Fuuck!_

_Me!_

“It’s not funny,” they complained, though they were near laughing themselves. They missed this. Their old report that had been distinctly lacking the past few days. “I crashed a fucking car.” She didn’t seem at all bothered by that piece of information. She looked almost pleased to have caused such a lapse in their control.

_Cocky._

_Arrogant._

_Sexy._

_Vixen._

But they _had_ crashed a car. They’d crashed because of some kiss she’d given them. Hot as fuck as it may have been, it didn’t explain why they were suddenly crashing cars.

“That never happened before.”

_Get back on track._

_You’re here about the damage report._

“I can either lie to the vehicle depot. Or I could tell them the truth.” Her smiled was gone, but that look in her eye was still there. “I was kissing you. I thought I should ask first.”

_Her and those damn fuck me eyes._

_Like she doesn’t at all appreciate the gravity of your situation._

_Or she’s just begging you to fuck her again._

_Right up against this desk._

“Where the hell have _you_ been?” The American demanded as they pulled up to the station.

“Where’re the detainees?” They were electing to ignore the American’s questions. They weren’t ready for anymore lies just then.

“Do you… want to come clean?” They tucked their hands deeper into their pockets. “Or do we keep this… unofficial?”

_Whatever the fuck ‘this’ is._

“Well what do _you_ want?”

_I _want_ to fuck you up against this desk._

_You need to stay on track. _

_You are at work._

_A little dignity, please._

“I think if yesterday was anything to go by… you mess with my head.”

“Destroy my ability to compartmentalize.” Her head turned back slowly. “And if I can’t compartmentalize, I can’t do my job. That’s a big risk. Maybe we should take things slow.”

_Slow like you _shouldn’t _fuck her up against this desk._

_If only she’d stop giving you those goddamn fuck me eyes._

“Stay under the radar. …For now.” They brought their nails to their mouths. It was that or give into the dizzying desire to kiss her again.

Myfanwy’s hand snapped out and grabbed Teddy’s wrist, yanking his hand away from his face. She was impossible.

“Bad habit,” she chastised.

They turned their arm so that they were grabbing her wrist and tugged her closer. She tipped her head up toward them. Her breath was warm and sweet against their face. If they weren’t worried about crashing another car (this one carrying two Vulture suspects) they would have crushed their lips together then and there.

They’d come to a red light in the next ten seconds or they’d pull over. The American might take issue with it, but they suspected she’d have a bigger problem with them crashing the transport vehicle.

_Just wait ten seconds._

_Ten seconds before you kiss her._

_You can distract yourself with something for ten seconds._

They turned their eyes to the papers scattered across the desk. All at once, their eyes lighted on the name at the top of one of the pages.

Andrew Bristol.

Their blood ran cold. Their grip on the steering wheel tightened and they gritted their teeth. 

_She has the gall to play the minx while looking through her ex-lover’s file?_

They tsked at her. A school teacher’s reprimand. Trying desperately to keep their cool.

“We talked about this,” they said in Teddy’s and Alex’s voices.

And that was the end of their restraint.

“Let it lie. And leave Andrew Bristol to his creepy _fucking_ birds!”

They let go of her wrist before curling their hand into a tight fist. Just because they were pissed, it didn’t mean they wanted to hurt her. But it did mean they needed to walk away.

_Bristol._

_Andrew fucking Bristol._

“Fucking cunt,” they muttered with all their voices.

The American gave them a curious look that they ignored. 

“Let me do the talking, alright?” The American demanded.

“No.”

“Look, these guys are scared. Besides, how much Russian do _you_ speak?”

“Dovol’no.”

The American’s face fell a bit. “Right. Well, I know these guys. I’ve been with them all morning.”

“And lost the EVA while you were at it.”

“Great job.”

The two Russians were screaming in the interrogation room. Incessant. Annoying. They weighed their options. If the American interrogated them and came up with nothing, they could blame it on her. If she uncovered anything, they’d be right there listening. Win-win.

_About time something in your life goes your way._

_Fucking cunt._

_Fucking Myfanwy._

_Fucking Farrier._

They rolled four of their eyes. “Go ahead. We’ll be right here watching.”

The American’s eyes slid between their bodies. She frowned and gave a shrug before sauntering into the interrogation room.

She got less than nothing from the Russians. She _did _manage to insult them in the worst possible way. 

_You’re far behind?_

_You already fucking know that!_

_You’ve let yourself get distracted._

_And now some know-it-all American is showing you up._

Alex sat in the surveillance bay watching the monitors when their tablet chirped out an alert. They pulled up the screen. Myfanwy’s car was leaving her flat. Heading away from the offices again.

_Back to Old Glengrove, Myf?_

_More secrets?_

They tapped through the CCTV cameras until they found her car again and set the tablet to track it.

The Russians were a dead end, but they could still do their job. They could find the missing EVA. They knew where they’d last been spotted. They knew its powers were some form of memory altering or erasing thing. And best of all, they knew London like they knew the backs of all four of their heads.

“Where the fuck are you going?” The American demanded.

_Exhausting._

_Go home._

“To find the missing EVA. You go and eat caviar with your new friends.”

_And stay the fuck away from me._

“Yeah, no fucking way! I’m the only one who knows what he/she/it is doing.”

_Typical arrogant American._

“You wouldn’t know anything about this EVA if it wasn’t for me.”

“The EVA who _you_ watched being sold at auction.”

_Disgusting._

_How could anyone stomach sitting there watching people being sold like chattel?_

_Let alone an EVA herself?_

“Yeah, that shit was _crazy_.”

“Then allowed to escape in broad daylight, but you can’t describe?”

“Believe it or not, I was focused on the guys with the guns. And at least I was there.”

_Because you were hiding information._

_Trying to protect one of the despicable cunts putting those people up for sale._

_And she blames ‘love.’_

_If it were Myfanwy abducting and auctioning off EVAs they wouldn’t be protecting her._

_No matter how much they love her._

The American began complaining again. So rarely did she do anything else. A constant nuisance.

“Suffice it to say, I’ve been ahead of you every step of the way.”

That did it. They spun on their heels and stared her down.

“You got ahead because you were protecting your dead, Vulture boyfriend.”

That seemed to have struck a nerve with her. “He was not a Vulture. And technically, the seller was Lugat, so….”

“So Marcus was Lugat.”

“No.” She didn’t even believe it herself. She _wanted _to. There was no mistake. But she didn’t. She doubted him. She doubted herself. “He was spying on the Lugat.”

“Ah.” They gave her a sarcastic nod. “When you kidnap EVAs and sell them to the highest bidder that’s not being a spy.”

“That’s being a Vulture.”

They turned to continue their new mission.

“I’ll find him first and you know it!”

_Annoying fucking American._

_She absolutely would _not_ find him first._

_But… you can make sure she doesn’t get out of hand again by keeping her in your sights._

_And if she comes in handy…. _

“Wait.”

They paced the surveillance bay, watching the screens. Occasionally they would tap the tablet to make note of Myfanwy’s distance and direction. She was nearly to Brighton already.

_Brighton…._

_She wouldn’t be…._

They found a shot of the mystery EVA from the CCTV footage of the wreck. Bright yellow coat wasn’t exactly camouflage. That meant he was exceptionally good at staying under the radar. It also meant he likely was used to being on the run. That only made him more difficult to catch.

They headed to the river while they analyzed the surrounding footage. They stopped at a pop up coffee kiosk while they worked. It was grueling work going over footage from each of the surrounding cameras. The coffee was well needed.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Pretend to have different tastes in coffee.”

_Curious. _

_Most people don’t notice that._

_Or care._

“I mean, it’s all you, right?”

It actually took them a minute to remember _why_ they drank different coffees. They’d been doing it for so long. The only person they stopped for was Myfanwy. She liked to tease them when she caught one body doing something usually reserved for another.

_“Smiling today, are we, Teddy?”_

_“Since when does the classy and chic Eliza wear,” mock gasp, “_windbreakers?”

_“Isn’t Alex supposed to be the one wearing trainers, Robert? Naughty, naughty!”_

_“Alex! Licorice? You know you only eat M&M’s!”_

It was another game of theirs. A game they took special joy in playing. They’d gone to the Founder’s Feast a few years back flip flopping Alex and Teddy’s typical attire. Nobody noticed. Not even Farrier. But _Myfanwy_?

She’d taken one look at Alex with their hair slicked back and a three piece suit on in place of his athletic wear and cracked up. Ingrid had been baffled along with a few other work personnel they couldn’t be bothered to remember.

“What’s funny?” Ingrid had demanded.

Myfanwy had bit her cheek and shook her head while staring at them knowingly. Half an hour later she’d found Teddy near the bar and whispered in their ear.

“Smile for me, Teddy.” She’d covered her mouth and given them her best horrified expression. “Oop! I mean _Alex_!”

They’d snorted at her. “Come off it, Myf. What gave me away?”

Myfanwy had rolled her eyes and shook her head as she ordered a drink. “You’re not as identical as you seem to think.”

“The illusion of distinct personalities puts other people at their ease.”

“Which allows me to hide in plain sight.”

The American grimaced. “It kinda creeps me out so, you know, don’t do it for my benefit.”

_Good to know you’re creepy._

_No matter what you do._

_Thanks, Monica._

“Understood.”

They caught him. Yellow jacket, dark hair, slight build. Running through a tunnel towards the markets. They contacted local police as they made their way to the market. They were there before them.

Always a risk involving the local cops. Especially when they _don’t listen_. So now they were faced with informing Farrier that not only did the Russian interrogation turn up nothing, but they also failed to capture the rogue EVA and got a local cop’s mind wiped in the process.

They dropped back into their chair in the surveillance bay and picked up their Myfanwy tablet. Her car had stopped and so did their hearts. She was at that fucking cunt’s place. The last place in the world she was supposed to be.

_Why?_

_She knows better!_

_Why him?_

_It’s against the rules!_

They shut the tablet off and turned it face down on the tabletop. Their stomachs felt sick. Their eyes felt hot. They couldn’t work out why Myfanwy would think to go to Andrew fucking Bristol of all people. The cunt had lost his license to practice because of what he did to her.

_Is it because you told her to take things slow?_

_You should’ve just fucked her up against that goddamn desk._

_Made her forget a cunt like Bristol even existed in the first place._

_Everything would be so much better if she didn’t remember the prick._

Gestalt dropped Monica off at her hotel before picking themselves up at the office and heading home for the night. They couldn’t bear to see Myfanwy then. Maybe ever again. Farrier either, for that matter. She’d known something was up.

_Fucking idiot._

_Idiot._

_Moron._

_Complete moron._

And the singular question they kept coming back to was the same one they couldn’t figure out an answer for no matter how hard they tried.

_Why?_


	5. Thursday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt is faced with the realities of Myfanwy's betrayals.

Myfanwy had arrived at the Glass Cage at around a quarter after one. She arrived home at eight forty-three that night. It was a two hour drive back to her flat from the shop which meant she hadn’t left until half past six at the earliest. 

_Five hours._

_What the fuck was she doing with the cunt for five hours?_

_You know what she was doing._

_No you don’t._

_Five _hours_._

_Five fucking hours alone with Mr. Creepy Birds._

“If she _wasn’t_ screwing him then what the fuck was she doing?”

_Maybe she killed him._

_Maybe that’s been her big secret._

They brought up the CCTV camera right outside Bristol’s shop. He was outside fetching the mail. _Very_ not dead.

“Damn.”

_So she was screwing him._

_No. Hold on. That doesn’t look like the face of a man that’s just fucked Myfanwy Thomas._

“Unless she’s not returning his calls either.”

_Fucker._

They finished dressing, but couldn’t be bothered with breakfast. Their stomachs hadn’t settled since they spotted her outside the wankstain’s shop. Really, they hadn’t settled since Myfanwy stopped returning their phone calls on Sunday.

Conrad was in the office early. He stopped by their office twice on the verge of saying something and deciding against it. Gestalt took four tablets and began scrubbing through the CCTV footage surrounding the market.

“Gestalt, have you noticed anything off about Myfanwy lately?” Conrad blurted as he dropped into the only empty seat in the room.

Gestalt continued scrubbing the footage with three bodies, but gave the Queen Alex’s attention. “How do you mean?”

Conrad frowned and tapped his nails on the chair’s armrest. “I know you’re close. Maybe you’ve noticed her taking phone calls from someone? Maybe she’d mentioned something about being dissatisfied with the Checquy in some way?”

They drew their eyebrows together. “What’s going on?”

“You don’t suppose she’s planning on acting out against us. She hasn’t given you any indication that she is no longer happy here?”

A conversation jumped into Gestalt’s heads. It had been a month prior when she’d still been panicked about the so-called psychic’s nasty prediction for her. 

_“After everything I do for this fucking agency it’s not like I have a life outside of it.”_

_“None of us do.”_

_“And maybe that’s a mistake. You’ve not ever thought about what it’d be like if we never came to the Checquy?”_

They’d written it off as garden variety irritation over her irrational fears being ignored. 

_If she’s feeling vengeful towards the Checquy…._

_What’s Bristol got to do with it?_

_And why did she sleep with you in the first place?_

_What could she possibly be planning?_

“What makes you think that?” They asked in lieu of answering Conrad’s loaded question.

He opened his mouth, shifted, and shook his head. “Just… something puzzling about this new case.”

“And you think Myfanwy’s connected?”

He leaned back in his chair and looked down the hallway. Grantchester rose back out of his seat and shook his head. “I may be looking too much into things.”

He left quickly and mounted the stairs to his office leaving Gestalt burning. They wondered about his quick departure before they spied Farrier coming down the hall. They took their Alex and Eliza bodies down to the morgue. There was something niggling in their heads about the whole affair.

It was on the coroner’s led report. The assumed cause of death on all ten victims was via neurotransmission. An electrical current shooting through their bodies and commanding them to collapse or explode in turn.

Neither one of the sought after EVAs displayed any neurotransmission powers. Not even close. But if they followed that line of thought, that would put Myfanwy at the bridge. Surrounded by eight Lugat affiliated Vultures. And at a Lugat run bank just a few hours later. That just couldn’t be. Myfanwy was terrified to even _test_ her powers. Let alone use them to torture ten people to death. Vultures or no.

Forty minutes after Farrier arrived, Myfanwy walked down the hall with Ingrid at her side. They glanced at her briefly before focusing back on their surveillance footage. Finding the kid was the important part. They’d deal with Myfanwy once they had him in hand. Unless her part in the whole thing was bigger than they’d initially thought.

Farrier returned downstairs five minutes after Myfanwy reached her office. They expected her to make a beeline for her favorite freak in the factory. Instead, she breezed into the conference room where they had moved for a better view of Myfanwy. She ran a soothing hand over their shoulders and leaned down to look over their shoulder at their screen.

_Oh?_

_Back to playing the maternal figure, Linda?_

_Not pissed at me anymore?_

“Myfanwy left early yesterday.”

_Ah. Right._

“Where did she go?”

They gritted their teeth. Fingers stilled on their individual screens. “The Glass Cage.”

Farrier let out a defeated sigh. “Of course,” she muttered. “And he let her in, didn’t he.”

“He did.”

Farrier straightened and looked over at Myfanwy with a torn expression. They tried to focus back on their work, but Farrier’s reaction was driving them crazy.

_Why isn’t she angry?_

_Myfanwy broke the rules!_

_Fucking Bristol broke the zero contact agreement!_

_She should be pissed!_

_She should be in Myfanwy’s office berating her._

Instead, Gestalt had the pleasure of watching Farrier crack Myfanwy’s door carefully as if _she_ were afraid Myfanwy was angry with _her_. A notification popped up on their screen summoning them to Farrier’s office ASAP.

Gestalt stood and moved quickly up the stairs. Nothing made sense anymore. Everybody seemed to have a difference fraction of the truth and only Linda herself behaved as if she knew everything. Even Myfanwy looked beyond confused at times. Like she wasn’t sure what was happening half the time. And she still knew more than they did.

The Home Secretary had been the one to call the meeting. She started without waiting for Farrier. Berating their lack of protocol. Gestalt knew the scolding was coming, they just hadn’t expected the Home Secretary to be the one doing the scolding.

“What’s going on here?” Linda demanded as she entered her office. Myfanwy close on her heels.

_She’s the dog._

_And you’re the shit._

“There’s another target roving around loose attracting everyone’s attention but ours!” Jennifer turned her frustration on Linda.

“On the contrary, we’re well aware. Gestalt, will you summarize, please.”

They got to their feet and took a deep breath.

“Oh, just the one of you.” The Home Secretary waved her hand dismissively at them. “We don’t need the whole song and dance.”

_Bitch._

_Bitch._

_Bitch._

_Bitch._

They used Eliza to speak. Jennifer was more polite to that body. “We received intelligence somewhat belatedly on an illegal auction two days ago.”

_Thanks, Monica._

“EVAs were represented as works of art embedded within a legitimate auction. Certain buyers were aware–”

“Not buyers,” Monica interrupted, “sick, twisted collectors. I was there. I tailed the target for nine hours in captivity–”

“To central London,” they pressed on, pretending Monica hadn’t interrupted them. “Where he escaped from his transport van.” They played the CCTV footage of Monica dealing with the armed amnesiac Russians.

“Then the target wiped out a cop at the farmer’s market and–”

“Thank you, Monica, for your intervention,” Farrier said, shutting her down. “That was very helpful, but back to the target.”

Gestalt sighed. “Subject is male, approximately sixteen, North African or Middle Eastern heritage. We were close, but unfortunately his location is currently unknown.”

They had been avoiding looking at Myfanwy since she walked in. Now that they allowed themselves a glimpse of her they noted her odd expression. Almost… guilty.

_Feel bad about going to Bristol?_

_About deceiving you?_

_Because that’d be a first._

_Or does this have to do with the case?_

Jennifer continued her verbal lashing. Gestalt held onto their frustrations. They wouldn’t be in this situation if they’d been given all the information from the jump. Hard to put together a jigsaw puzzle when you’re missing half the pieces.

“Gestalt fully responded to orders,” Farrier declared. They had to admit surprise at her jumping to their defense. As far as they knew she was only concerned with Myfanwy. A pleasant surprise, but not as helpful as filling them in on the plethora of secrets she was keeping. “It was a judgment call on my part to send them alone.”

_Farrier’s taking the blame._

_She’s protecting you._

_Or is she?_

_That guilty look on Myfanwy’s face…._

_The neurotransmission COD on the coroner’s reports…._

The Home Secretary kicked the lot of them from the room to privately lash at Farrier. Conrad took over command. Giving them orders to do what they already intended on doing in the first place.

“Myfanwy, give them everything they need. Blank check on this one.”

_Everything you need?_

_What you really need are some goddamn answers._

_Answers you already know she isn’t going to give you._

A departmental e-mail went out twenty minutes later. Farrier was suspended until further notice. Conrad was stepping in as interim King until matters were settled.

_Suppose that means you don’t have to spy on Myfanwy anymore._

_If only that meant you didn’t have to think about her anymore, too._

“Hey,” she said, coming into the conference room where they were set up working. When they didn’t immediately give her their full attention, she cleared her throat.

They looked up at her with one of their two present bodies and worked to keep the anger, resentment, and pain from their faces.

“So that… target. When you found him he was roaming the market alone?”

_What is she getting at?_

_Is she implying that you don’t know how to do your job?_

_Or that you were inadequate in some way?_

_Because he was alone you should have had no problem catching him?_

“Even an ordinary boy can be an elusive target,” they said defensively.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just keeping up. That’s all.”

_Lie_.

A phone in her pocket vibrated. “You’re buzzing.” They took the opportunity to move away from her. Away from the smell of rose oil. Away from the electric feeling she sent into their bodies. If only they were a _little_ less aware of her.

She grabbed the phone from her pocket and checked the screen. It wasn’t her normal phone. It was a phone reserved for potential targets or hopeful recruits.

“Is that a burner phone?”

“Yeah. Doubling in drug dealing,” she joked. When they didn’t smile, she backtracked. “Client phone.” She hurried away from them.

_More lies._

They were left with still more questions. And Myfanwy was back at the forefront of their mind. As if she knew they were trying to forget about her. Knew they knew she’d gone to Bristol. She’d flash a smile and pay them just a touch of attention and they’d lose their minds over her all over again.

_You’re pathetic._

_Maybe it wasn’t a sexual meeting._

_Maybe she went there to get closure._

_Holy shit. You’re reaching whole new levels of pathetic._

_The Mount Everest of pathetic._

Myfanwy vanished from her office again barely half an hour after speaking with them. When she reappeared at last, she had Monica in tow. She stopped at her office to grab her bag and the pair left again.

_What the fuck has _Monica_ got to do with her secrets now?_

_And why doesn’t she trust _you_ with any of them?_

_Is it one of her games?_

_Is she testing you?_

Anger flared in all four of their chests. Their leads were coming up empty. They couldn’t find the EVA boy. They couldn’t work out Myfanwy’s cryptic behavior. They couldn’t fathom what Farrier had to do with it all. If it was a test, they were failing.

They covered two sets of their eyes and sighed heavily. They hadn’t hit a wall like this in a case in years. They were efficient. It was why they were given such a long leash. Why they got away with crashing cars and losing targets. Because at the end of the day, they always got the job done.

_“Okay, so she got away today. She’s a kid. She’ll turn up.” Myfanwy had known they were beating themselves up over the situation._

_“She’s a _kid_. She shouldn’t have gotten away in the first place.”_

_“A kid that turns _invisible_. She’s not your average EVA.” She wasn’t usually as involved in the cases. She kept herself to the wider knowledge. She didn’t mention that the target in question was eleven. Or that she’d run away from home and began robbing banks. It should have made her easier to track. And yet…._

_“I’m supposed to be better than average myself.”_

_“And here I sit.”_

Myfanwy snorted and grabbed Eliza’s arm to tug her out of her seat. _“C’mon, I know what you need.”_

_“To find the target?”_

She took them shopping. She made them try on at least a hundred outfits with Eliza’s body alone. She cracked up when they let her dress Alex and Teddy like twin cowboys. She dressed Robert like a Magic Mike stripper.

Eventually, the case dropped completely from their heads. They started to really play along. They hunted down the weirdest outfits they could find and put them on just to wrench a giggle from Myfanwy’s lips.

_“No! Teddy! You have to put on the rainbow suspenders! The rainbow suspenders!” _

_“Why can’t I wear the polka dots?”_

_“Alex is wearing the polka dots! He’s got on the pinstripes.”_

_“So?”_

_“_So_ if he wears the rainbow suspenders it’s too many stripes.”_

_“Fine.”_

Robert had come out wearing cargo shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, and a sombrero. Myfanwy laughed so hard she squeezed her arms around Eliza and buried her face in her neck. It had been one of the best days of their life.

Two days later, they’d caught the target near those same stores.

Myfanwy and her games. They could use one of them around now. But now, Myfanwy was part of the wall.

A thought occurred to them. Maybe they could play one of their old games and pry the old Myfanwy back out. Remind her how much she used to trust them. Remind her just how well she knew them. That they hadn’t changed just because they’d slept together.

If they could do that, maybe she’d tell them about Bristol. About what was going on between her and Farrier. About why she was suddenly buddy-buddy with Monica.

They stopped home and switched outfits. Teddy had to take a shower to get the gel out of their hair. They adjusted their posture on each body to match the opposite. It felt strange. Like writing with their left hand instead of their right. They could do it, but it didn’t feel natural. Not after so many years of behaving a certain way.

She was at home. The doorman confirmed it. They waited in the lobby with their hands in their pockets and tried to work out their plan of attack. Once she was laughing and teasing them about their quick switch, they could work their way into discussing her radical behavioral change the past few days. They’d drop in that they knew about Bristol. Maybe work up to continuing that tete-a-tete they’d started in the Archives.

Myfanwy didn’t buzz them up. The first warning sign. She always let them up. They’d helped her build a fucking panic room in her flat. Just in case she needed somewhere to lock herself up in the event her EVA became unmanageable. It was her biggest fear and she didn’t want anybody knowing about it. Not even Linda.

She gave them one of her tight smiles. The ones that didn’t reach her eyes. The ones she usually reserved for people taking up her time. She did not laugh. She didn’t tease them. She grabbed their elbow and pulled them out of the lobby and onto the street.

“Where’re we going? I want to talk.” They used Teddy’s speech pattern. They were still waiting for her to call them out on the gag.

“Go ahead, talk away.” She dropped their arm and kept moving forward. Right back to that shifty behavior she’d been exhibiting over the past week.

“Can I not come up?”

She stopped and turned back to face them. “Can we walk?” She was keeping her distance, but there was no doubt she had a good hard look at them. Still, she said nothing. No indication that she knew or cared about the joke. “It’s just, I’ve been sitting all day.”

_You don’t even have to read her body language to know that’s a lie._

Myfanwy had already turned and was speed walking away from them again. They sighed and pulled at their ear before grudgingly following after her. They caught her as they reached the river walk.

_Okay. Plan A didn’t work._

_Plan B, then._

_Do you have a plan B?_

“Do you remember back in Glengrove when we hid in the kitchen after curfew?”

Myfanwy pulled them into all of her schemes. Her rule breaking. Her games. They’d followed oh, so willingly. They’d never had so much fun as they had with Myfanwy.

“That was a long time ago.”

_Something funny in her voice._

“Come on!” They grinned at her, urging her to remember. Urging her to get the joke. To play the game. “How often did _you_ break curfew?”

She frowned and looked away. It was unnerving them that she still hadn’t commented on their body switch. Even if she hadn’t really noticed it was the Alex body and not the Teddy body, she’d always tease them about smiling with Teddy.

“We barricaded the door with milk crates,” they continued as if they weren’t bothered at all. “Remember? One of you, two of me… some other kid I forget.” Silence. “You hadn’t gotten the concept of me yet. You still thought we was all siblings, not all me.”

_C’mon, Myfanwy. Look at me._

_You know this game._

_Play the fucking game, Myfanwy._

_Remember what we had before everything got fucked._

“Yeah, well, it takes a while to get the hang of you.” She broke a reserved smile. More nervous than playful. And still she wouldn’t play. Unless it had all been a ruse on her part. Unless she really didn’t know them. Unless everything they ever had was based on a lie.

“Do you remember how I convinced you?”

She gave her head a small tilt.

_“Okay, Alex, you go over there and turn around.”_

They moved to the other side of the kitchen and sat down behind the counter. They shut Alex’s eyes and stared at Myfanwy with Eliza’s. She leaned over the counter to check that the body was doing as she said.

She smiled and turned back to Eliza. _“Ready?”_

They nodded. They’d do anything she asked. Myfanwy reached out and touched their cheek gently. She bit her bottom lip as she did it. Her focus needled in on her hand on Eliza’s cheek.

_“Alright, Alex. Where am I touching Eliza?”_

_“My cheek.”_

Myfanwy frowned and moved her hand down to Eliza’s hand. _“And now?”_

_“My hand.”_

_“Which one?”_

_“Left.”_

Myfanwy moved back to touch their cheek again. Her touch feather light. _“Now?”_

_“My cheek again.”_

Myfanwy scowled. She told Eliza to turn around and shut her eyes. They weren’t sure what that was supposed to prove, but they didn’t complain. As long as it meant Myfanwy would keep touching them.

Her hand brushed Eliza’s long hair away from her back and over her shoulder. Myfanwy slid a finger down their spine until she reached the collar of their Glengrove issued nightshirt.

_“The back of my neck.”_

She pulled her hands away from them and sat back. _“Where am I touching you now?”_

_“What?”_

_“Where am I touching you right now?”_

_“You aren’t?”_

Myfanwy let them come back around the counter. She wasn’t entirely convinced. She still posed the idea of them all being mind readers. They’d argued that if they were mind readers they would know what she was thinking. She’d turned a brilliant red and dropped the notion entirely.

“You touched Eliza,” they reminded her, “and asked if I could feel it.”

_You shouldn’t have to remind her._

_She should remember._

_She used to bring it up all the time._

_Another of her games._

“It was _your_ idea.”

She gave a slight shake of her head. “Yeah, sorry, I…I…I don’t. There’s a lot from that time that I’ve had to… block out.”

_Why the fuck are you lying about that?_

_Why?_

_You want to give me the cold shoulder?_

_Pretend like we’re complete strangers to each other?_

_Fine._

_But you _will_ tell me what the fuck is going on._

“Peter Van Syok didn’t kill those people at the bridge. Or at the bank. I fought him. Toe to toe and he… well, he didn’t show a trace of that power.” They studied her expression. “But you know who _does_…?”

Myfanwy kept her face neutral. Or tried. There was fear in her eyes. They were on the right track.

“Then you were attacked by the Lugat. _Massive _breech of code and while we’re cleaning up _that_ mess, _you_ fuck off to Bristol of all people.”

Myfanwy grabbed their arm and pulled them to a stop. “How long have you been following me?” She looked and sounded panicked.

_Is that really it?_

_Did she really kill those people at the bridge?_

_Which still leaves the question of what she has to do with the Lugat._

_And how Conrad’s suspicions tie it all together?_

There was a sharp pain in all four of their chests. Near to unbearable. They pressed on. “This week has been chaos. Full blown hell. And it all leads back to _you_.”

Their eyes dropped to her lips. Everything was Myfanwy. Just two days ago they were kissing her. Four days ago they were fucking her. How the hell had it all gone to shit so fast?

_Maybe it wasn’t so fast._

_Maybe you were just so distracted by everything else._

_Maybe you didn’t notice._

_Maybe this started before the Founder’s Feast._

They moved in. Their own test. She didn’t flinch or back away. She just stood there. Waiting. They knew they could kiss her if they wanted. She’d let them. She’d probably even kiss them back. But they no longer thought she was doing it because she wanted them.

“You know you make me dizzy,” they murmured far softer than the turmoil raging inside their chests demanded. “You’ve always known. But you never come near me like that ‘til this week.” Still she said nothing. She didn’t move or argue or pull away. She just stood there. Waiting. “You need to stop fucking lying and tell me what kind of shit you’re in. Otherwise what am I supposed to think? Hm?” Silence. “Except, that you fucked me to fuck _with_ me to get me out of the fucking way.”

_Say something, Myfanwy._

_Now’s your chance._

_Come clean._

_Tell me it’s all been a misunderstanding._

_That you really love me and everything else has just been messing with your head._

_Say fucking anything!_

Her eyes dropped away, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t deny any of it.

_Oh._

_That's the game._

_She’s the cat._

_And you’re the mouse._

They pulled back and looked away. They took four deep breaths. None of them steady. 

“Yeah,” they aimed for indifference knowing full well they were coming up short. “That’s all I needed to know.”

They shoved their hands in their pockets and continued the walk down the river way. They were not going to cry over her. They were adults. Besides, it wasn’t like they hadn’t been there before. It was only Sunday they had decided to put away their feelings for Myfanwy forever.

“Teddy,” Myfanwy called softly.

_Teddy?_

_She wasn’t just not commenting on it._

_She genuinely doesn’t know._

_She didn’t see it._

They sat outside her apartment building watching her windows. Monica Reed was there with her. For somebody involved in unsavory business, Myfanwy really didn’t know to keep her curtains drawn.

At ten, the lights went out across the loft. Gestalt slept in turn. They didn’t like sleeping one at a time, but it was convenient for nights such as this. When they needed to be ready to move at a moment’s notice. Whatever Myfanwy and Monica were up to, they were going to find out. One way or another.

If Myfanwy was betraying the agency, they’d be the one to bring her in.


	6. Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt finally learns the truth.

Movement started in her apartment at a quarter after six. Three bodies, but Gestalt couldn’t tell who the third body was. Anytime they pulled out their binoculars, they moved away from the windows. They waited until Myfanwy started her car and pulled out of the parking garage to start their own. They were in three cars. Easier to tail someone without them getting wise to it when you switched out the follow car every now and again.

They followed her to the park. Myfanwy circled the area twice before dropping off the third body and driving back to the other side of the park. Gestalt’s gut dropped as they recognized the target from the past few days.

_ What the fuck was she doing with the target? _

_ Why didn’t she bring him in? _

_ Why didn’t she report it? _

_ Why didn’t she tell you? _

Myfanwy sat with Monica in the car. They must have been talking about something, but Gestalt hadn’t bugged her car. 

_ Stupid. _

_ Covert Ops 101. _

They had no more excuses to give her. She was hiding a known EVA target. For how long they couldn’t be sure. Everything was clicking into place for them. The shifty behaviour, the lying, dodging questions, even fucking them. She was turning Vulture for the Lugat. Selling a kid.  _ A kid. _

_ That’s not Myfanwy. _

_ It is now. _

They called Conrad all the while feeling like they were betraying Myfanwy. A truly stupid feeling that didn’t belong. If anyone was betraying anyone it was  _ Myfanwy _ betraying  _ them _ . 

“Gestalt, what is it?” The new king had evidently been asleep.

“I followed Myfanwy.” They swallowed. They had a flawless view of her from Teddy’s body parked a few spots in front of her. She was smiling in that sad way she had. “She found the target.”

“The boy? Where is he?”

Gestalt knew there was no going back now. “With her. She’s been hiding him in her apartment.”  _ Which is why she didn’t invite you up. _ “Now she’s with the American waiting for someone.”

Whatever else might have been between them, Gestalt couldn’t forgive this. They  _ couldn’t _ . Even as their entire being was railing against them. They didn’t want to tattle on Myfanwy. They didn’t want to hurt her in any way. They could hardly stomach the conversation they were having.

_ You need a stronger stomach. _

“Alright, wait there. When their contact arrives bring them  _ all _ in.” They could do that. “Myfanwy and the boy, too.” That was going to be a bit more complicated.

They nodded. Conrad had no way of seeing that, but they couldn’t speak. Their tongue was too big for their mouth. They were the worst shit in the world. No wonder Myfanwy would only sleep with them as a distraction. 

_ You didn’t force her to join the Lugat. _

_ You gave her every opportunity to come clean. _

_ Everything that’s happening now is on her hands. _

_ You’re just doing your job. _

Someone came out of the trees and met the target. Monica slid out of the car and hurried across the park toward the couple. Gestalt took the opportunity to apprehend Myfanwy. If she took the chance to come clean to them, they’d consider that a win. They’d even put in a good word with Conrad for her. As if that would do anything.

They slid up alongside the passenger side of her car. The lock was up. The door was open. They took a deep breath and snatched the door handle open and ducked inside quickly. 

“You really should lock your doors.”

Myfanwy jumped when she saw them, but she didn’t look afraid. Only slightly annoyed. “What are you doing here?’

“I’d ask you the same question-”  _ But you’d just lie again.  _ “-but I’ll wait for the interrogation. Drive.”

Myfanwy turned in her seat, bringing her leg up beneath her. In no way preparing to drive anywhere. “Wait, Gestalt, please I can explain. Just wait for Monica-”

“ _ I’ll _ take car of Monica.”  _ Don’t give her another chance to lie to you.  _ “Start the car.”

“No.” 

Gestalt took a breath. Any other target this would be a no brainer, but this was Myfanwy. They couldn’t use their usual tactics. 

_ You mean you won’t. _

_ It’s  _ Myfanwy.

They knocked on the window and opened her door. Also not locked. Myfanwy turned to look them in the eye. Still no fear there, just anger and hurt.

“Don’t be difficult,” they said together. She wouldn’t hear them any other way.

They put her in the backseat and sat in the driver’s seat willfully ignoring the strong smell of rose oil. It was of little use. They still felt like shit about this. They focused on grabbing Monica, the boy, and the woman they were meeting.

_ You know her _ . 

_ Why do you know her? _

_ Where do you know her from? _

Monica pulled the boy away and started to run. Gestalt gave chase. They might’ve fucked up this whole week. Their heads might’ve been on everything other than the case, but they would not fuck up now.

A blast like a bomb going off whipped through them. They felt their ears pop as they dropped to the ground. Monica, the boy, and the woman they knew but didn’t know how all dropped, too. They covered their ears. It was so loud they couldn’t think. All they could hear was the painful ringing.

Someone walked into view. Farrier. She stooped and put noise cancelling headphones over the boy’s ears before pulling him to his feet and leading him away while Gestalt writhed in pain. Out of sheer desperation not to completely fail their mission, Gestalt put Myfanwy’s car into gear and sped away.

Myfanwy didn’t say a word. Even after the ringing stopped. They made to apprehend the last remaining targets, but Monica took off before they’d recovered. The strangely familiar woman elbowed them in the face hard. They were already dizzy from Farrier’s EVA. They really couldn’t be blamed for being taken down so easily. Right?

They pulled into the Checquy and took one of Myfanwy’s arms in hand holding her between them. They led her into the Checquy and down into interrogation. Still, she said nothing.

_ And why should she? _

_ You’ve made it clear you aren’t her friend. _

_ You turned her in. _

They dropped her in an interrogation cell and went to find Conrad. He was in his office watching a newsreel of the park. He turned to them when they came in.

“What happened?”

“Farrier showed up.”

Conrad sighed and flicked a button on the remote to switch the screen back to the default. “So we came away with nothing. Again.”

“Not nothing.”

Conrad looked up again and raised an eyebrow. “No?”

“Myfanwy’s in interrogation.”

Conrad nodded. “Well, at least we’ll find  _ some _ answers there.”

_ Don’t be so sure. _

_ She trusts you less than me. _

_ And she’s given me nothing. _

“We need to debrief Monica. So set to finding her as soon as possible. Once she comes in and gives her testimony, we’ll get her on a flight out of here.” Gestalt nodded, they were already working on tracking her with their two other bodies.

Conrad moved out of his office quickly. They followed him back down to the lower level. “Turn off the cameras. Whatever it is that’s happening I want to give Myfanwy the chance to come clean before we give her to the wolves.”

Gestalt nodded and set to turning off the camera and audio. It was the least they could do. The very least. Even doing nothing would have been more.

They listened at the window. She looked afraid now. Face to face with Conrad, she looked scared. Three retainers came in carrying boxes. They laid them out before her on the table and left. Gestalt looked at what they’d shown her. Money, passports, hard drives, all suspicious things. Things that doubled down on Myfanwy being a double agent.

Conrad was very professional as he listed out her offenses. His voice didn’t waver the way Gestalt’s had. Possibly because this entire scenario  _ wasn’t  _ his worst nightmare come to life. Or because his heart wasn’t breaking over and over again.

“Myfanwy, what were you thinking? Sheltering a known EVA target,  _ colluding _ with the Lugat-”

“I was not sheltering or colluding! A frightened kid showed and asked for my help and I  _ helped _ him.” 

They were wrong to think she wasn’t angry.

“If you wanted to help him you would’ve brought him in, but instead you arranged a meeting. With whom?”

“I DON’T KNOW! BECAUSE GESTALT SHOWED UP BEFORE I COULD FUCKING FIND OUT!” She waved her hand at them behind the glass. They wanted to wince. They wanted to cry. They wanted to scream. They kept their faces composed. Kept their eyes on the road. 

“But it  _ was _ with the Lugat,” Conrad insisted.

“I don’t know,” Myfanwy said, quieter but no less enraged. “Maybe. Maybe not.” She glanced down at the array of incriminating evidence on the table before her. “Look, I know that this all looks… bad.”

“What it looks like is conspiracy against your own agency.” Conrad gripped the back of the chair and leaned forward toward her. Intimidatingly. Gestalt felt an intense need to go in there and protect her, but they stayed put. “Gestalt saw you. With its own eyes.”

_ Its? _

Myfanwy swallowed and looked down again. Sad. Almost… defeated.

“Myfanwy, start from the beginning.” 

Myfanwy took a deep breath. “The beginning of  _ what _ ?”

“A polite reminder that you are a member of the service. You do not have the right to silence,” Conrad warned.

Something changed in her then. She wasn’t angry or scared or sad. She became… resolute. Strangely so considering her position.

“I’m more than happy to tell you everything I know,” she said in an eerie calm. “But I’m afraid the story doesn’t go back very far. The night of the bridge incident? My memory was wiped clean.”

Gestalt felt the floor open up beneath them. They swallowed hard and tried to process what they were hearing. Myfanwy  _ was _ at the bridge. They hadn’t been wrong about that. They couldn’t process it even as Conrad continued his interrogation.

She didn’t know how long she’d been at the Checquy. She didn’t know her mother’s name. Her father’s. She didn’t know them. She didn’t remember them. 

Everything from the past week came flooding back to them in a sudden gush of missed signs and ignored behaviour. They thought Myfanwy turning double agent was the worst case scenario. Apparently they had very little by way of imagination. 

Their grief flipped to anger as easily as flipping a switch. She’d still lied. She lied over and over again. She’d manipulated them. Made them think she was  _ their _ Myfanwy. 

_ Is she your Myfanwy? _

_ No. _

_ This is some traitor in her body. _

_ Some liar wearing her face. _

She’d kissed them. They froze. Had the concern for their safety been faked as well? Had everything been a lie? How far was she willing to go to keep up her rouse? Would she have fucked them in the Archives if they hadn’t found out what she was digging into? Would she have really gone that far to keep her secret? From  _ them _ ?

What did that mean for her Bristol visit? What were they doing for five hours? If she didn’t know him they couldn’t believe she’d actually jump into bed with him. But five hours was five hours. What did he tell her? They hadn’t given her a chance to say. They didn’t think they’d want to know. Now they never would.

Five days. She started from scratch five days ago. And everything they’d done to her since. They were disgusting. Pouncing on her and hounding her about a night she didn’t remember. Gestalt couldn’t imagine waking up one day without any memories and suddenly being hounded by an absolute stranger about a sexual encounter they weren’t aware of. Gestalt felt sick.

“Turn the camera on.”

_ Turn it on? _

_ So  _ everyone _ knows? _

_ Knows that Myfanwy isn’t… Myfanwy. _

_ Knows that she was subject to search and seizure? _

_ Because we haven’t humiliated her enough? _

“You said you wanted it off.”

“ _ Explicitly _ .” 

“Well, now I want it on.”

Gestalt went to the control panel reluctantly and entered the code. They’d never stop doing things to hurt Myfanwy. No matter how much they wanted otherwise.

The trail on Monica went cold. She’d dumped her phone by the river and run off God knows where. They listened to the rest of Myfanwy’s testimony with lead balls in their guts. They flip flopped between rage and grief erratically. Despite everything she  _ did _ know, she was still foggy on a lot of the details. She knew it was Farrier that had set up the memory wipe, but she didn’t know why. Gestalt couldn’t puzzle it out either. Why would Farrier do this to her favorite pet?

Twenty minutes later, Conrad stood from the table and straightened his suit jacket. He looked at Gestalt.

“Take her to retrieve her things. We’re finished here.”

Gestalt rewound the tape and watched her confession all over again while they made their way to the interrogation room door. Conrad moved out and up the stairs quickly. An odd lightness in his step. Like he was thrilled this had happened.

Myfanwy looked up at Gestalt and quickly away. They took a deep breath. “Come on.”

Myfanwy stood and rounded the table. Her fingers trailed across the tablet that had Old Myfanwy’s goodbye video on it. She followed them out wordlessly.

They made it back up to the main floor before she found her voice again. She was hopping every third step to keep up with them. They knew they should slow down, but they couldn’t look at her. Not  _ this _ her anyway.

“So, turns out I’m not a traitor,” she chirped. Gestalt gritted their teeth. “Come on, aren’t you a bit happy to be wrong about that?”

“I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sure it must have been terrifying.” They were at the part in the tape where she explained her manipulating in as vague a detail as anyone could manage.

“Yeah, I  _ wanted  _ to tell you.”

“You had opportunities.”

_ Only a hundred. _

“Doesn’t matter now.”

“Robert,” she cried, plaintively. 

Gestalt took a deep breath and stopped. They turned to face her desperate to keep the utter agony from their face and knowing they were failing miserably. They looked at the two retainers seated at the computers. They stared at them interestedly. An audience Gestalt neither asked for nor cared for.

“Get out.”

The retainers’ faces fell. Gestalt waited as the pair scurried out of the room tripping over themselves as they went. Gestalt looked at Myfanwy again.

_ Not Myfanwy. _

_ Not really. _

“I kept asking if you were alright and you just lying and lying to my face.”

_ All of them. _

_ Bitch. _

“I was scared and Farrier told me not to talk.” She repeated almost word for word what she’d just said on the tape.

“Since when do you do anything Farrier says?” They challenged.

“ _ Since I woke up a blank _ , okay?” She spat back. “And I didn’t know if I could trust you.”

“I never gave you a reason not to.”

_ Not until this week anyway. _

_ Not until today. _

“How would I know that?”

“ _ Instinct _ . Inference. It didn’t take you long to figure out we have a history.”

Their thoughts bounced back to the hospital room. She’d kissed them like she meant it. Like she really wanted them. All of it was a lie.

“Yeah, you were pretty fucking forward about that.”

_ BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW! _

“And  _ you _ played along. You manipulated  _ everyone _ .” They couldn’t remember a time they had felt this many emotions so intensely. It was suffocating.

Myfanwy finally looked guilty. Ashamed. Sorry. She sat on the edge of the desk and took a breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I did. Because I didn’t want to give myself away. And I  _ do _ feel something for you. I just don’t know what that something is.”

They couldn’t decide if they were closer to tears or to punching something. They settled for punching something. They brought Teddy’s fist down on the metal interrogation table. At least the pain on the outside took away some of the pain they were feeling on the inside. But only some. Not enough to drown out the grief.

“The truth is all I really know is what’s happened the past five days. That’s how long  _ our _ history is. Our history is  _ five days long _ .”

_ Don’t cry. _

_ Don’t you dare cry. _

_ Not now. _

_ Not at work. _

“Sorry.” Myfanwy winced and looked down. “I’m sorry. But that is the truth. Everything about you is strange and unfamiliar and I’m  _ not _ talking about the one mind four bodies thing. It’s because I  _ don’t know you _ .” She swallowed. “At all.”

All those times Gestalt thought their hearts had broken. Every moment where Myfanwy had willfully ignored their feelings. Every time she had shut them out. Every instance where Gestalt thought they had known true agony paled in comparison to what they felt at that moment. Hearing those words from Myfanwy’s mouth.

_ Not Myfanwy. _

_ Pretty fucking clearly  _ not _ Myfanwy. _

They took a couple ragged breaths and cleared their throat.

_ Don’t cry. _

_ You have a reputation to uphold. _

_ Heartbreak or no. _

They nodded to themselves and picked up the bag of her personal effects. They shoved it into her arms.

“Well, I don’t know you either.”

They locked themselves away for a few minutes. Just a few quiet minutes where they could resolve themselves. Regain their composure. So a few tears might have gotten through their iron defenses. Nobody would ever know. Least of all Myfanwy.

Something weighed on them. She’d made it five days without anyone suspecting it was a lack of memory causing her odd behavior. She’d managed to go through her normal life unnoticed. Some of that might have been Farrier, but it should have been clear once Farrier was out of the picture that she didn’t know how to do her job.

They were still tracking Monica. They made their way to Ingrid’s office. She was the best executive assistant this side of the pond. Probably in the world. If anyone could find out where Monica Reed was staying, it’d be her.

That wasn’t the only reason they went to her. No one else worked as closely with Myfanwy day after day. If Myfanwy had gone to anyone else for support it would likely have been her. Ingrid looked guilty the minute they walked into her office.

“Did you know about Myfanwy?”

Ingrid twisted her lips up.

“Did she tell you?” They insisted.

Ingrid sighed and fidgeted with her hands on her lap.

“Did she fucking tell you?” They demanded with Eliza’s voice.

“She didn’t have to!” Ingrid cried. “I knew.”

_ She knew? _

_ How? _

_ How long? _

“Not exactly what happened,” Ingrid explained, “but that there was something. There were signs.”

“What signs?”

_ What didn’t you see? _

_ What did you miss? _

_ How did Ingrid see it? _

_ When you couldn’t? _

Ingrid sighed. “However much she trusts me, Myf would never let me make major departmental decisions. But lately? All of that control? Right out the window, you know what I mean?”

Gestalt tried to think back. Every instance where Myfanwy had displayed an unusual behaviour was so obvious now. It’d been obvious then, but they’d tacked that up to buried feelings. Wishful thinking on their part.

_ Stupid. _

_ Stupid. _

_ Stupid.  _

_ Stupid. _

“Look, don’t blame yourself. I’m talking about things you’d only see if you  _ really _ knew her well.”

Gestalt froze.

_ Is she saying you don’t know Myfanwy? _

_ That you never knew Myfanwy? _

_ Is she wrong? _

Gestalt could feel the rage and tears well up again. They took one body out of the room. Ingrid winced.

“No!” 

Gestalt wanted nothing more than to slap the woman. They settled for punching the interrogation table again.

“I didn’t mean….”

Gestalt shook their head and followed their other body out. They were angry. They were broken hearted. They had four whole bodies and they still couldn’t contain all the emotions bubbling within them.

They needed some air.

_ You idiot. _

_ You stupid,  _ fucking _ moron. _

_ How did you not see it?  _ How _ did you not know? _

“How would anyone know?”

“Well, it all makes sense now.”  _ It’s so obvious. _

_ Yeah. I memory wipe is  _ entirely _ obvious. _

_ She didn’t tell you. She  _ lied _ . _

_ Can you blame her? _

_ Yes. I can blame her. _

_ You have every right to be angry. _

_ “ _ Though what kind of arsehole mistakes  _ brain trauma _ for feelings?”

“The person who had those feelings is gone.”

“Dead.”

“Don’t say dead. She isn’t dead. She never trusted you.”

_ Bitch. _

_ You hate her. _

_ You don’t hate her. You love her. _

_ If you don’t hate her, you should.  _ They sighed internally.  _ But you will never hate her. _

Ingrid cleared her throat. “Are you talking to yourself?”

“What do you want?”

_ To humiliate you some more, perhaps. _

Ingrid soured. She straightened in her chair. “Monica is staying at the Bonsbury on Broadwick Street. Wasn’t trying very hard to keep it a secret. Took me less than five minutes to figure it out.”

Gestalt worked through their next course of action. They’d forgotten all about the American. The American who apparently knew more about Myfanwy’s condition than they did. A complete stranger. She’d only met Myfanwy that week and she knew.

_ You really didn’t know her at all, did you? _

_ Fucking idiot. _

_ Love her? _

_ You never knew her. _

“Your welcome,” Ingrid said pointedly.

Gestalt still hadn’t forgiven her her transgressions. They walked away wordlessly. They’d go debrief Monica and maybe they could work on mending their broken heart. Adjusting to life without their Myfanwy. The Myfanwy the didn’t even know.

_ How does that make her different from the current Myfanwy? _

_ You don’t know either of them. _

_ Except that this one is a liar and a manipulator. _

_ And a phenomenal kisser. _

_ Shut up, you prick. _

Alex was the most likely to get information out of Monica. He wasn’t more laid back. Usually. Americans liked laid back. Besides, Alex was the only body that wasn’t present when they were accusing her dead ex-lover of being a vulture and working for the Lugat.

She yanked her hotel door open already angry. “ _ What _ ?”

“You need to come in and debrief. It’s protocol.” There was finally an outlet for all their pain. Every terrible feeling they’d suffered that day and the week preceding.

Monica let loose some of her patented American snark and made to shut the door in their face. Gestalt shoved the door open and took a step inside towards her. All their rage was boiling. Simmering just under the surface. Like a kettle when the steam couldn’t get out. Ready to explode.

“You shouldn’t chase me.” Monica warned.

Gestalt moved to the other side of the room. “Maybe you shouldn’t run.”

“Hey,” she threw something at them. They caught it deftly in their hand and turned it to look. A miniature bottle of alcohol. Cute. 

“I don’t want it.”

_ Yes, you do. _

_ You want to get so black out drunk you can’t even remember Myfanwy’s name. _

_ You want to drink until you can’t remember your own. _

_ Any of them. _

“Sure you do.” Monica poured her own bottle into a tumbler. “You know you can’t make me come with you. If you want to leave, you’d be leaving.” She held up her glass. “Might as well have a drink.”

Gestalt kept their eyes on her as they raised the bottle to their lips. They dumped half the bottle into their mouth and let it sit there a minute. The burn felt good. They swallowed slowly. It tasted like shit, but the taste wasn’t the point. 

“It’s what we’re trained to do, right?” She sipped her drink. “Serve, anticipate, fill in the blanks.”

Gestalt moved over to the fake fireplace and tossed the bottle cap onto the mantle. They took another look at the bottle before finishing it. It wouldn’t do much for their other bodies, but if even a fraction of them could numb themselves to the pain maybe they could start to move past it.

“That woman in the park? I’ve seen her before. I couldn’t think of where and it was just fucking driving me crazy.” She stood and moved to the mantle beside them. “But now I realize it was in D.C. with Marcus.”

She needed to vent. To hell with Gestalt’s pain, right? They didn’t matter. They never mattered. No matter what they did or how hard they tried, they were always last. Even when they were first, they were last.

“They played me. And I was their target.” They turned to face her. “Now I question everything.”

They could relate to that. More than relate. It was almost like she was saying the exact thing they were thinking.

“I get it.” They rested their arm on the mantle. “Sometimes we only see what we want to see.”

_ Like the woman you love returning your feelings. _

_ Like the woman you love being who you thought she was. _

_ How can you say that? _

_ How can you love her? _

_ You don’t know her. _

_ You never did. _

_ You fucked her once. _

_ She doesn’t know you. _

_ She doesn’t love you. _

_ You’ll never have her again. _

Monica made to snatch the bloody rag from the mantle. Gestalt grabbed for it at the same time. Just to keep it away from her. Just to make her pay added attention to them. Monica tugged at the rag. Gestalt took a half step closer. They didn’t know Myfanwy, but they understood Monica.

_ What was that saying? _

_ The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? _

_ Worth a shot. _

Monica slipped her hand down the rag and dropped it, letting Gestalt have it. They wrapped it around their fist. Clenched so tight they could see their knuckles turning white.

“Do you all feel that?” Monica asked. “Do you all have the same, uh, physical experience?”

Gestalt met her eyes again. The corners of their mouth tipped up. They had her. Seduction one-oh-one. They’d think an American operative would know that.

“Close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” they whispered.

She sighed like they were asking her to do long division. Always so dramatic. So American. She shut her eyes. Gestalt reached down and took her hand in theirs. She jerked away from them, but they kept their hold steady. Not tight. Just enough pressure for her not to pull her hand all the way away. She relaxed a bit and let her turn her hand palm up.

Their touch was gentle. Featherlight. Their murmured words were little more than nonsense, softly whispered. They felt her relax further. They moved their hand up to her neck. It was working. The more they focused on Monica. On slowly seducing her touch by touch, they could forget the ache in their chests. They slid their hand around to cup the back of her neck. They knew they had her then.

They used their grip to turn her, to press her between them and the fireplace. Her eyes dropped to their lips. It was working. They moved in to press their lips to hers. 

The foreign smell of sterilizer filled their nostrils. The lips beneath theirs were soft and if they focused a little harder they were sure they could forget what it felt like to kiss Myfanwy. Monica’s hands settled briefly on their chest. Hopefully she wouldn’t push them away. This was hard enough without her rejecting them. Her hands continued to their next. Her lips parted and she kissed them deeply.

It wasn’t the same. Nothing about it was the same. 

_ Idiot. _

_ You don’t want the same. _

_ You need different. _

_ Just for now. _

They focused with all four bodies on the moment. Every instant that Myfanwy Thomas jumped to their minds they worked to push it away. The further they went, the harder it was becoming. Like kissing that Russian back on Monday. It was just business.

Fortunately, Monica started to take a little initiative. They weren’t left to fumble on their own as they worked to fill the hole Myfanwy had left. She pushed them back to the bed and kissed them again.

_ Different. _

_ You could feel Myfanwy’s kiss in every part of you. _

_ Shut up about Myfanwy. _

_ Myfanwy’s gone. _

_ There is no more Myfanwy. _

_ Move on.  _

_ Forget her. _

“Oh, great! You’re still here.” 

_ Dammit. _

“Now’s not a good time.” 

_ They were losing their focus. _

“What? Are you shy all of a sudden?” Monica challenged. She was working on their belt, but it felt awkward to take their pants off now with Myfanwy standing beside three of their bodies.

_ Focus. _

_ Focus. _

“Okay, I know I’ve been a narcissistic shit and what I said earlier was rude and not exactly true.”

_ Go away. _

_ I’m trying to move on! _

“I think the fact that you lie has been well established by now.” They gave exactly one body’s worth of attention to her. The other three were trying to focus on the rebound sex.

Myfanwy sighed and knelt down beside them. She pulled their hand between hers and it flooded every body with feeling. 

“What happened?” Monica frowned down at them.

Alex flexed their fingers and tightened their grip on her hips. “Nothing happened.” They lifted her hips and rocked her back down over them. It did nothing to rid themselves of the hauntingly good feeling of holding Myfanwy’s hand.

“Okay, look, I understand why you’re angry, but something happened today.” She was unusually high energy. “I got these… flashes.  _ Memories _ .” She smiled the way they hadn’t seen her do all week. “All tied to an intense emotion.”

“Not now, please-”

“ _ Please _ .” She begged. “Please, let me finish.”

“Ah, fuck,” Monica swore as they moved her faster.

_ Focus. _

_ Focus. _

But they couldn’t deny Myfanwy. They worried they never would. They took a deep breath and gave her what they hoped was controlled attention.

“The intensity of it… it reminded me of being with  _ you _ .”

_ Me? _

_ She remembered me? _

_ No, you moron, she remembered a feeling that  _ reminded _ her of you. _

_ It’s not the same thing. _

“And, I thought if we start with that then maybe I  _ can  _ remember.” She was so full of hope. They hadn’t seen her this happy before. “Please, take me somewhere we used to go. Uh, a restaurant, a coffee shop. Or maybe I could go to your house!”

_ Shit. _

Monica came at least. No reason to disappoint her just because they let themself get distracted.

“I want to remember what  _ we _ had.”

Gestalt felt a flurry of hope stir in their four chests. She wanted to remember them. She wanted to try.

“I have to try.”

_ She’s lying again. _

_ This is somehow for her benefit. _

_ How? _

“Myfanwy,” Ingrid said behind them.

Myfanwy stood up. She dropped their hand and all they wanted was to take it back again. 

“What’s going on?”

“They brought Farrier in,” Ingrid explained. “She’s been asking for you.”

Myfanwy’s joy vanished in an instant. She hurried out of the room and down to the Box. Down to see Farrier. Everything she’d just said to Gestalt completely forgotten.

And somehow they felt like even worse shit than they had when they day began.


	7. Saturday/Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gestalt struggles to make a decision.

They had heard all about Myfanwy Thomas before they’d even laid eyes on her. They’d heard about how extraordinary her powers were. How thrilled the higher ups were to be in possession of such a talent. So much power and possibilities. Surely, she was the best find the  Checquy had acquired in years.  _ Decades _ .

Gestalt hated her. Everything they’d gone through, all the work they’d put in to every minutiae of training and they were being overshadowed by some goody  goody before she’d even arrived.  Of course they avoided her when she  _ did _ arrive. Not hard to do. Gestalt finished a week’s worth of lessons in a day. They spent most of their time in the private training rooms.

“She’s pretty,” Jethro remarked. Not to them. Few people ever spoke to them. Gestalt was in a world of their own.

“Transdermal... you think we can still touch her?” Ethan, a boy with tusks mused aloud.

“Maybe that’s why she won’t eat with us.”

“She doesn’t want us to touch her?”

“Or she can’t let people touch her.”

“Obviously, she can’t let people touch her,” Sydney sneered. “You heard she killed her parents, didn’t you?”

Gestalt stood from the table. It was only Eliza’s body there, but it didn’t matter. The trio stopped talking and watched them pick up their tray and dispose of their trash. One by one, Gestalt gathered all their bodies in the corridor outside the cafeteria. If the newcomer was a killing machine, that would explain the higher ups’ enthusiasm.

_ Pretty. _

You’re _ pretty. _

_ This new girl is likely passable. _

_ The idiots here are just so lost for something shiny and new. _

Gestalt split up and went off in search for the new girl. They didn’t have a lot to go on, but they knew every face in the building by then. They were looking for one they didn’t know. They still had forty-five minutes of their hour lunch break. They wandered the corridors as far as they were allowed in every direction.

When at last they stumbled upon her, she was in one of the training rooms. Secluded. She was focusing on a training dummy about five feet away from her. Gestalt tilted their head and watched her for a moment. Her brown hair was tied back messily and a line had formed between her thin eyebrows. Gestalt had to admit she  _ was _ pretty.

After a few minutes of nothing happening, Gestalt got bored. They let the door slap  shut behind them as they strolled into the training room. She jumped at the loud noise and dropped her hand. She was surrounded by greys and blues. Her green shirt and black pants stood out.

“What are you doing?” They asked in the cool, refined voice of their Robert body.

The newcomer stared for a moment before blinking and shaking her head. “I was told I could use this room.”

Gestalt shrugged. “You can.” They picked up a pair of sparring gloves and pretended to inspect them. “What are you trying to do?”

She didn’t answer so Gestalt looked up. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest and glaring at the ground. They thought they’d done a good job at playing normal. People didn’t typically get so annoyed with them until they got to know them.

“If you don’t want to tell me, I’ll just leave.” They turned back for the door.

“Are you new here, too?” She blurted.

Gestalt turned back to face her. “Am  _ I _ new ?” They used their other bodies to smirk. “No. I’ve been here forever.”

She looked a little disappointed. “Oh. I just thought... well, I haven’t seen you around.”

Gestalt gave her a measured smile in the Robert body. “I’m on an advanced schedule.”

They watched her brow furrow. “Okay...? I’m Myfanwy.”

_ Myfanwy? _

_ Not how you were pronouncing it. _

_ “ _ Robert.”

She smiled then. Big and bright. Eyes shining, cheeks pinkening. Gestalt thought suddenly and fiercely that Jethro and Ethan were  _ wrong _ . Myfanwy Thomas was not pretty. She was beautiful.

“It’s nice to meet you, Robert.” She stuck out her hand for them to shake.

_ Transdermal? _

_ Transdermal what? _

_ They said she killed her parents. _

_ Experiments have been your whole life. What’s one more? _

They took her hand in theirs and felt something. They were certain what, but it made all four bodies stop. She didn’t stop smiling as she shook their hand. When she finally released them, all they wanted was to grab her back. 

She was in their  maths class with Eliza the following Monday. The instructor had sat Myfanwy at their table since they weren’t usually in class. She sat in their seat at the back of the class closest to the window.  _ Their _ seat. They were annoyed, but they went and sat in the empty chair beside her wordlessly. They still were determined to hate her. Beautiful or no.

“Hi,” her small voice chirped.

Eliza pulled out their  maths notebook and gave her a cool nod. Myfanwy pressed her lips together and looked back out the window for a moment. Gestalt’s other bodies were in Chemistry, English, and Russian lessons just then. The Russian lesson was the simplest for them. There were only three of them in that class and the instructor was very relaxed.

“I’m Myfanwy,” she greeted again. 

Gestalt looked over at her. “Eliza.”

Myfanwy smiled. Not the big, beautiful smile she’d given them days earlier in the training room. This was subdued. Almost scared. She went back to the window.

Gestalt felt guilty. “Looks like a nice day out.” 

Myfanwy glanced back and nodded once. “I’d be playing football with Jay and Tyler and Jackie and Priya right now.”

Her words were heavy. Gestalt could feel the sadness in them. The loneliness. She turned her head away from the window abruptly and flipped open her notebook. Almost completely empty whereas Gestalt’s was six and a half pages from being completely full.

The lesson started before they could try to take the conversation further. It seemed for the best. Myfanwy was in a dreary mood and they had no idea how to help. 

She was with them for endurance training later that day with Alex. Endurance training was basic stamina. They ran for twenty minutes, swam for twenty minutes, did stairs for twenty minutes, and biked for a final twenty minutes.  Five minute cooldowns were at the start and end of the worst hour and a half of their days.

Myfanwy started strong. She’d obviously done a lot of running before she’d come. It wasn’t until midway through swimming that Gestalt noticed her lagging. By the time they reached the stairs she was out of breath and struggling to keep up. Their instructor shouted at her to keep moving. An ongoing issue. By the time they got to the bikes she was covered in sweat and wheezing.

Gestalt watched her crawl into the seat beside them and slowly right herself. “Are you okay?”

Myfanwy looked over at them and nodded before leaned forward to brace herself on the handlebars and b egan peddling slowly. Gestalt watched her a few moments more, but the instructor came by and Gestalt focused their attention elsewhere.

Gestalt waited for her outside the locker room as inconspicuously as possible. The rest of the girls left and she was still inside. Gestalt chewed on their fingernails as they waited. They let out a huge sigh of relief as she emerged, hair still partially wet from a shower. They shoved their hands in their pockets and smiled at her.

“Hey, you were on the bike next to me,” she said.

“I’m Alex.”

“Myfanwy.”

“Where are you off to now?” Gestalt was concerned she might not be able to walk down the hallway let alone to her next lesson.

“Um... tracking? I think?” 

_ Tracking and Survival?  _

_ You get her back to back? _

_ With Teddy this time. _

_ She’ll have met all of you. _

Gestalt kept their hands in their pockets but started for the tracking room. It was on the ground floor with an exit into the forest. Twice a year the kids were sent out on survivalist training trips. Three days alone without food or shelter. Two kids had died during it to Gestalt’s memory. Before ‘graduation’ they would be sent out on a  seven day excursion. EVA kids died every year on the trip. Usually the ones that didn’t pay attention in Tracking and Survival.

They reached the classroom and Gestalt realized they hadn’t said a word to her the whole time. They stopped at the door and turned to face her. She looked up at them with a frown.

“Aren’t you going in?”

_ I’m already in. _

Gestalt shrugged and trudged off with the Alex body to French. Myfanwy came in and sat down beside Teddy. They glanced over at her and tried to think of something clever to say. 

“Hello,” she said, pulling out her book. “I’m Myfanwy.”

“Teddy.”

_ Nothing clever in your name. _

_ Stupid. _

_ “ _ Can I ask you a question?” 

Gestalt swallowed and nodded. 

“Is the hair thing a trend?”

Gestalt looked up at the floppy curls that hung in front of their eyes. They’d shaved Alex a few years back. They’ looked stupid. It was all part of their distinct  personalities vendetta. 

“What?”

Myfanwy sighed and twisted her mouth up. 

_ Cute. _

_ “ _ The hair. The white-blonde look. Is it a trend here? You’re like the tenth person I’ve seen with hair like that.”

“Tenth?”

She shrugged. “Whatever. Did you guys all get a bunch of bleach or something?”

“This is my natural hair color.”

Myfanwy’s lips parted and she flushed again. “Oh. Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Pay attention, both of you. This may save your lives.” The instructor stared pointedly at Teddy. “Distracting the new girl will not benefit you, I can promise you that.”

Class passed in relative silence. When the bell rang Gestalt decided to do something they’d never done before.

“Do you want to sit with me? In the cantina, I mean.” They nodded at her thin notebook. “I can help you catch up if you’d like.”

Myfanwy smiled again, big and bright like before. She let them lead her out to the cantina and stayed behind them while they got food with the Teddy body. They used their other three bodies to cordon off a table for them. They led her over and watched as she took in the four of them. She sat between Teddy and Eliza and stared a moment longer at their Robert body.

“So... you’re siblings?” She guessed.

Gestalt tugged at their ears uncomfortably. “Not exactly.”

“Whoa.”

Gestalt swallowed hard. They’d spoken with all four voices. Any second now they’d be given a jolt. It didn’t come and Gestalt reminded themselves again that they were through with that part of their training.

“I have a little sister. We didn’t really agree on things. If we ever spoke like that our mum would have a heart attack.” A sad smile drifted over her face.

“We aren’t really siblings.”

Myfanwy took a bite and chewed thoughtfully. “You just dress up like each other?”

_ She thinks you dress alike? _

_ Wait until the handlers hear this. _

_ Individualism. _

_ Idiots. _

Myfanwy was staring at Eliza now. “Everyone avoids you.”

Gestalt glanced around. It was true. Gestalt was usually given a wide berth from everyone.

“If someone as pretty as you went to my old school, you’d never have a quiet minute.” 

Gestalt’s brains just stopped working. All four of them at once. They couldn’t even remember to blink.

_ Pretty. _

_ She thinks you’re pretty. _

_ You  _ are _ pretty. _

_ It’s nice to hear it all the same. _

It wasn’t until they were back in their beds that night that they remembered they were meant to hate her. 

* * *

Gestalt rewound the video of Myfanwy in Farrier’s cell. She hadn’t turned it off like she’d turned off Van  Syok’s cell camera. Done hiding they supposed. They were torturing themselves. Watching her interrogation video and Farrier’s flimsy explanation video over and over again. 

“I wasn’t made aware of your... dalliance until the following morning. Long after everything had gone to shit.” Farrier pushed her knuckle against her lips. Myfanwy had stood so still that it looked like the bottom half of the screen was frozen.

“ But, I wasn’t about to urge you into another relationship hoping it would make you happy. When I offered to send you to my place, you remember that? I was going to have Gestalt drop you off. I’ll admit you were a bit drunk at the time. Anyway, I had intended for you to meet your sister there.”

_ That was where they knew her. _

_ She was spying on Myfanwy a month ago. _

_ You apprehended her. _

_ She was Myfanwy’s sister? _

Gestalt heard groaning next to them in bed. They hadn’t left yet. They weren’t sure they could move. All four bodies sat or lie immobile somewhere. The information was crippling. They should have left in the night, but they were already stricken.

“You know you weren’t happy here. You still aren’t. You’ve spent the past week feeling vindictive and vengeful. Hating everyone. Tell me honestly, if you knew then what you knew now, would you have stayed?”

“I don’t know.” And the single worst part of the whole video. Worse than Farrier admitting to stealing Myfanwy’s memories. Worse than Farrier admitting she knew about the coat room. Worse than anything Gestalt had thought up. “Probably not.”

_ So much for trying. _

_ You aren’t worth staying for. _

_ Not that that’s a surprise. _

_ She’s known you a week and you’ve betrayed her at every turn. _

_ Which might not have happened if she’d trusted you. _

_ “ _ Hey,” Monica greeted in a husky, sleep filled voice.

“Morning.”

Monica frowned at them. She sat up against the pillows. “Don’t tell me you regret it. That’s the last thing I need right now.”

Gestalt had regretted it before they’d even finished, but it had been the closest they’d come to forgetting the ache in their chests Myfanwy had caused. That was with her standing right next to them. With her  _ touching  _ them while they tried to forget her. The old her. Or whatever her there was to forget.

“Oh, it’s all about you, isn’t it?” They quipped.

Monica stared at them for a moment. She moved slowly until she was over them again. “You want me to make it about you?”

_ Yes. _

_ No. _

_ God, but it feels good. _

_ So little felt good anymore. _

Gestalt gave in and let Monica have her way. It allowed them to get their mind off the videos for a time anyway. Let them focus entirely on one thing completely un-Myfanwy related.

They went back to the videos again when they were finished. They felt guilty as they watched them. Fucking some American instead of trying to make things right with Myfanwy. Or... trying to make things up to her? Or maybe fill in the blanks. Help her remember.

Gestalt covered three out of four faces with their hands and shut their eyes. They were despicable. They didn’t deserve a second chance with Myfanwy. She never would’ve come back to them if she’d known everything. She never would have let them make an ass of themself.

_ You’d be waiting in that corridor forever. _

_ Waiting and panicking. _

_ Not panicking. Worrying. _

_ You’d be sounding every alarm bell you could find. _

_ “ _ You said Old Myfanwy had a weak constitution.” Myfanwy’s voice broke through their daze. They’d reached the end of the tape again.

“I only meant, well, she wasn’t equipped to handle such extraordinary powers.” 

“You’re wrong. She was strong enough to tolerate all the bullshit you threw at her. She had no friends and no family and no reliable support system and she still managed to outfox you and your scheming.” 

Gestalt sighed heavily. Old Myfanwy had had friends. Or a friend. They’d been her friend. For so many years. At least, they’d thought they were her friend. But they’d also thought they knew Myfanwy and that wasn’t true at all.

They buried themselves in Monica and as many other distractions as they could find. They made it to Sunday night. A great accomplishment in their opinion. But Myfanwy never left for long. If ever.

* * *

“I shouldn’t be here, Eliza. I’m not like you or Ethan or Carrie. My whole EVA was a fluke.”

Eliza paused in their braiding. Myfanwy was sat on the floor in front of them while they worked. Myfanwy was always so confident. Cocky almost, even in her shortcomings. Gestalt found it adorable. This was strange. She’d never confessed self-doubt to them before.

“It wasn’t a fluke. You wouldn’t be here if it was.” They tried for reassurance. That seemed the logical thing to do. They continued their braiding.

“It’s a  _ mistake _ . That’s what I’m saying. Me being here is just one huge fuck up.” 

Gestalt grimaced, but doubled down on their stance. “It was not a... an eff up.”

Myfanwy turned around suddenly, yanking her hair from their hands. “Yes, it was. Say it.”

Gestalt frowned at her. “What?”

“Say it was a fuck up.”

Gestalt shook their head. “It wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t what?”

Myfanwy was oddly insistent. It was throwing them off. They weren’t sure how to proceed. All they wanted to do was kiss her. A strange, foreign desire they hadn’t experienced before.

“Wasn’t... an eff up?” They tried.

“A fuck up.”

Gestalt finally realized what it was she wanted. They blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind their ear.

“Myfanwy....”

“Say it. What’s going to happen, hm? Nobody’s around.” 

Gestalt glanced up at the camera hidden in the corner of her room. Only their Eliza body was permitted in  Myfanwy’s room at any time. A banal stipulation all things considered. 

“Fuck up,” they said under their breath just loud enough for her to hear them.

“Hm? What was that?”  Myfanwy cupped her hand behind her ear.

Gestalt shut their eyes and sighed. “It wasn’t a fuck up.” They said more clearly. Three bodies winced, ready for some sort of retaliation from the handlers.

None came. But Myfanwy beamed at them satisfactorily. “I don’t believe that for a second, but thank you.” She turned back around, but by that point, the braid was ruined and they had to start over. They didn’t mind.

Myfanwy turned the conversation away from her EVA. She blathered on about something Matthew had said to her in her Chemistry class. One of the few classes she had without them. They’d started going to classes more often. Just to be near her.

“I’m not sure what sort of impairment the kids here have to say you and your brothers look ‘unsettling’ to them. You’re all, like, super model gorgeous.” 

Gestalt blushed. They were happy she was turned away from them so she couldn’t see just how much they liked her calling them gorgeous. They cleared their throats.

“Which of us do you like best?” They were aiming for unaffected. They very much doubted it came through.

“Well,  _ you _ of course. You’re the only one that can stand to be around me for any length of time.” Myfanwy picked at the lint on her sleeve. “Doesn’t help that I either babble like an idiot or I can’t string together two words when I’m with Robert.”

Gestalt pressed their lips together. She liked Robert. They’d have to make use of that somehow.

“Well, and Alex. He’s so easy to talk to, know what I mean? I always say more than I mean to when I’m with him.”

Gestalt frowned and tried to think of a time Myfanwy had overshared. They came up empty.

“Teddy’s interesting, though. You know he smiled at me once. I thought it was Alex for a split second. It was really cute.”

They were lost. She had no idea what that meant as far as her interests. Did she like all of  them?  Was she attracted to all of them? Did they even have a shot in hell?

_ Probably not. _

_ She doesn’t even understand just how big of a freak you are. _

Myfanwy whipped around again. Gestalt had just finished tying off the braid in her hair. She grabbed Gestalt’s hands in both of hers. They worked out why it felt strange when she touched them. They felt her touch across all four bodies. It was a strange power. It was a big reason as to why they knew her EVA hadn’t been some fluke or common error. There was nothing they could do to explain that to her, though.

“Don’t tell them I said any of this.” She stared into their green eyes imploringly. “Please, Eliza. This is just... just  girl talk. They don’t need to know any of this.”

Gestalt laughed with their three other bodies all the way across the Institute in the boys’ dormitories. She couldn’t hear them. She’d never know.

“I won’t tell them anything,” Eliza promised.

They’d keep that promise. They didn’t need to tell themselves anything.  Myfanwy’d done it all for them. Even if she hadn’t understood what she was doing.

* * *

They decided to go to her in the morning. Maybe they could go to a coffee shop she liked after all. Maybe they could make her remember all the years they’d spent together. The caveat being Myfanwy hadn’t actually enjoyed any particular coffee shop. She liked a creperie near the  riverwalk out in Chelsea. They could go there.

Gestalt stared at Monica’s sleeping back. She hadn’t moved from the bed all day. She hadn’t even bothered to shower. Frankly, disgusting. She ate and drank and fucked them, but otherwise lay immobile. They hoped she wouldn’t make a fuss when they got up in the morning. They doubted she would, but then again, they hadn’t expected to sleep with her.

Something almost like hope was starting in them. Hope that they really could get Myfanwy to remember. A hope that they hadn’t monumentally fucked everything up when they’d spent the weekend trying to get over what they felt for her instead of trying to get her to feel it, too.

“Tell me honestly, if you knew then what you know now, would you have stayed?”

“I don’t know. Probably not.”

They could change that answer. She just didn’t know enough to want to stay yet. They could make her change her mind. They could make her love them again.


	8. Monday the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end.

They were up with the sun on Monday morning. Showered and dressed and raring to go. Monica was still sleeping. They hadn’t mustered up the words to let her down gently. Politely. They called room service and had a full breakfast sent up. People were generally more amenable on a full stomach. 

Their nerves were coming back. They’d taken a whole weekend to process the topic of Myfanwy’s memory loss. To weigh the options on her offer to try to remember. They’d needed it. It was a lot to take in, after all. But it also meant that Myfanwy had all weekend to change her mind. To decide that Gestalt wasn’t actually worth the trouble. 

“Are you going to get up today?” 

Monica stirred beneath the thick, hotel blanket. She stretched and cracked her neck. Disgusting. 

“Mm. No. I’m good here.” 

They rolled their eyes and went to grab their gym bag. They brought it over first thing that morning. The plan had been to wait until Monica got up and ate before starting the ‘it’s been fun, but this isn’t going anywhere’ conversation. A plan ruined by Monica’s refusal to move from bed at all. 

_ Myfanwy’s going to beat you to the office at this rate. _

_ And you still have to finish the report on Nazim. _

Gestalt ground their teeth together. “I just wanna say that this was... fun, but we both know what’s best.” 

_ You hope. _

_ “ _Leave and don’t come back,” Monica said without moving from her spot on the bed. 

_ Thank God. _

_ “ _That’s what I was gonna suggest!” Their cheer was genuine. It wasn’t often they managed a weekend of strictly carnal activities with someone that didn’t intend on pursuing some sort of relationship with them. It wasn’t often they spent a weekend with any one person that way, either. 

“Well,” Monica mumbled, “great minds think alike.” 

“See you at the office,” they said, just to twist the knife a bit. Monica Reed wasn’t going anywhere near the Checquy. Not after the park with Myfanwy and Farrier and certainly not now with... well. 

“Bye.” 

Gestalt picked their Alex body up from the hotel and drove to the office. They peeked in Myfanwy’s office as they made their way to their own. She wasn’t in yet. They gave a silent cheer. They might have time to get everything work related organized before making their attempt with Myfanwy. 

They ran down to the morgue to pick up the finalized reports on Myfanwy’s victims. 

_ Oh. You can’t call them that. _

_ However true that might be. _

_ If she ever learned that was how you referred to the ten dead bodies, she’d be driven to drink. _

_ Hold on. You picked her up from the bar that first night. _

_ The night after she killed ten people. _

_ She was probably so horrified with herself. _

_ And _ you _ , you dickhead. You threw fucking _ _ Glengrove _ _ in her face, you piece of shit. _

_ Not that she had any idea what you were talking about. _

_ “ _ She went to see Bristol,” they muttered to themself in their secluded office. _ She knows. _

_ Oh, God, you’re a dick. _

_ Why’d you have to say that? _

_ Why’d you bring it up? _

They stood in the morgue and flipped through the charts, filling out the necessary forms with the information. Eliza stood in the vehicle depot reviewing the damage report on the Jeep they wrecked. The grease monkeys in the garage were much more lenient with that body. Gestalt took their advantages where they saw them.

* * *

“You’ve been here almost a year already. I’m so far behind.” Myfanwy was covered in toner. Somehow she’d made the copier explode. 

She wouldn’t mention her EVA. Or Glengrove. Or the fucking pedophile that’d caused it all. Gestalt wanted to ask. They wanted to know everything, but they were taking their lead from her. 

Gestalt replaced the ink cartridge and closed the front panel. They stood and looked at Myfanwy with a sigh. She had a pitch black streak running from her forehead down to her jaw. 

“It’s not like there’s much to get, Myf. Senior agents order you to make copies or get coffee and you go make copies and fetch coffee.” Gestalt took her arm and led her downstairs. She went perfectly willingly. “At least you have Farrier in your corner.” 

“She’s in your corner, too.” 

Gestalt rolled their eyes though she couldn’t see. “The King loves you and tolerates me.” 

“That’s not true.” 

Gestalt stopped outside the locker rooms and turned to face her. “Not everybody takes my EVA as well as you do.” 

“This place is full of EVAs stranger than you, Gestalt.” Myfanwy leaned in to whisper at them. “There’s a pawn in R&D with scales instead of skin. And Polly has blue skin. Blue!” 

Gestalt shrugged. “Difference being, their EVAs are easy to comprehend. Even you don’t really get what I am.” 

Myfanwy frowned at that. “You’re not the worst EVA here and we both know it.” 

“Myfanwy....” 

“I’m going to shower. Cover for me?” She smiled her big, bright Myfanwy smile. Gestalt would never have it in them to deny her a request. 

She disappeared into the locker room and Gestalt trudged back up to Accounting with their hands in their pockets. One Gestalt per department. They knew the building better than just about anyone else in it. Even the King wasn’t so well informed. They’d resolved to prove themselves no matter what. Myfanwy was sure to be promoted to Rook within a few years. She had all the talent the higher ups craved. Gestalt would not be left behind.

* * *

Ingrid liked Teddy best out of their bodies. She tried not to show her preference, but Gestalt was an expert at reading people. Myfanwy’s office was still empty. There was the off chance that Myfanwy had phoned in to tell Ingrid she’d be late or maybe that she’d decided against coming back to the office for some reason. After Friday’s debacle, Gestalt needed a sure way to get their answers. 

She was on the phone when they walked in. She rolled her eyes at them when they came in. Gestalt rolled their eyes right back. They didn’t like seeing Myfanwy’s office empty. Even less so with what they knew. 

Ingrid hunk up her phone and smiled at them. “Monica Reed is going home.” 

_ Knew she wouldn’t brave coming into the office. _

_ “ _Yeah. I assumed as much.” They pressed their lips together and hoped they hadn’t given away too much. 

_ Casual. _

_ Don’t give away your fear. _

_ Fear? You’re not afraid. _

_ Why would you be afraid? _

_ “ _Has Myfanwy been in today?” 

“Haven’t seen her.” Ingrid went back to typing on her computer. 

Gestalt frowned. _ Did she really decide not to come in? _

_ Where would she go instead? _

_ Her whole life was here. If she’s trying to remember this is where she should be. _

Gestalt looked down at the stack of mail on Ingrid’s desk. They were going to turn away when one of the envelopes caught their eye. It had Myfanwy’s handwriting on it. They picked it up. It was addressed to them. 

“What’s this?” They asked Ingrid, panic peeking out behind their words. 

Ingrid looked over and shrugged. “Just came today.” 

_ Helpful. _

They pulled the flap up on the envelope and opened the letter. Warning bells were starting in their heads as they started to read. 

_ Dear You, _

_ Lately I’ve been getting flashes of memory. I had one this morning. It was raining and we were scrambling over a hill. Some kind of training exercise. The rain was coming down so hard we took refuge under some overhanging rocks. And this image is so vivid in my mind; you were standing with your back to me looking out at the downpour. I had an overwhelming urge to touch the strands of hair clinging to your neck, but I couldn’t find the courage. _

“She’s remembering you,” Gestalt murmured in their office. 

“She didn’t forget you.” Their joy turned sour as they continued to read. 

_ Nor do I have the courage to tell you what I have to say now. By the time you read this, I’ll be starting a new life of my own. _

Gestalt flipped the page over, quickly. There had to be some game in all this. Some jest they weren’t seeing. 

_ The spark I feel with you is real, but I need to figure out who I am away from the people who expect me to be who I was. I want you to know there’s nothing you could’ve done to change my mind. I hope one day you’ll forgive me. _

_ With love, _

_ Myfanwy _

They couldn’t breathe. Every room they were in felt like a vacuum. They were too late. They’d wasted their chance. They’d ruined everything. They should’ve gone to her Friday night. They should have seen her home. They should’ve left Monica right then and there. 

They started running numbers in their heads immediately. She had to send the letter Saturday for it to arrive that morning. That meant that she couldn’t have gone anywhere until Sunday. The envelope was postmarked London. She sent it from near her flat. 

She wouldn’t have gone to an airport. She heard her past self tell her it wasn’t an option. That still left the trains and boats. Or maybe she’d just jumped in her car and started driving. Maybe she hadn’t left yet. Maybe they could still catch her. 

“Drawbridge protocol, now,” they uttered. “Lock down the ports, the airports, the tunnel.” They were speaking faster, more urgently. “Nobody gets out unless we’ve vetted the passenger manifests. If we’re fast we might still catch her.” 

They were already making calls. They pulled up CCTV footage of all the stations. They shouted at the pawns and retainers nearby to start scouring the footage for any trace of her. Gestalt jumped up the stairs to inform Conrad of the new mission. 

“Myfanwy’s running.” They barked as soon as the door opened. 

Conrad stared at them for a second. “How do you know?” 

Gestalt squeezed the letter in their hand. They’d kept their interest quiet for so long. They weren’t eager to share something so private as Myfanwy’s memory of them. But time was of the essence. Getting her back was more important than their pride or humiliation. 

“She left a letter for me.” 

Conrad held his hand out. “Let me see it.” 

Gestalt stared at the new King for a second before begrudgingly handing over the letter. Conrad smoothed the page and read through quickly. He turned the page over and finished the final words before nodding and handing it back to Gestalt. 

“Have Ingrid pull the Drawbridge Protocol.” 

“Already done.” 

Conrad gave a nod. “Start searching the CCTV footage for any trace of her.” 

“We’re already doing that.” 

Conrad gave them a tight smile. “No one else is quite so efficient as you, Gestalt. Let’s hope that’s enough to find her.” 

Gestalt turned and hurried back down to the surveillance hub. The pawns and retainers were getting a bit squirmy with all four of their bodies in the room. They decided to split up. One body went to her flat. Just in case. The chances were slim, but they needed to check. To be sure. The other two took tablets and sat in the conference room reviewing footage of the past seventy-two hours. 

They were coming up empty. Well, not empty, they found a number of EVAs in their search. Just not Myfanwy.

* * *

It was late. Gestalt had just finished a report on their most recent acquisition. They could have finished it the following day, but Gestalt was ready to be finished with it. They’d only been a Rook for a little more than a year. They were still not convinced Farrier would decide it was a mistake and demote them. 

Myfanwy’s office light was still on. Gestalt checked their watch. It was almost eleven p.m. They wondered if she’d encountered some problem. Her promotion was entirely paperwork. A position the King had made special for her. Not that Gestalt cared. She might be a Rook, but so were they. As far as they were concerned, it just meant they were still on equal ground. 

“Myf?” 

Her head snapped up and Gestalt’s gut twisted as they realized she’d been crying. Myfanwy scrubbed her hands across her face and cleared her throat. 

“Alex. I... I thought everyone else had gone home.” She stood and started gathering up her things. 

“Are you alright?” 

She gave them an easy smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Of course, I’m alright.” 

_ Lie _. 

“What are you doing here so late?” 

Myfanwy cleared her throat again. “Just... last minute finance report.” 

She swept out of her office leaving Gestalt to follow after her. They waited until they were in the stairwell to go back to her office. They turned her computer screen back on and frowned. It wasn’t a finance report she’d been looking at. It was the webpage for a knickknack shop. They couldn’t figure out what it was about it that might make her cry. 

“There’s a new movie out tomorrow.” They shoved their hands in their pockets. They started down the stairs. “It’s a Pixar thing. Looked cute.” 

Myfanwy arched her brow at the word. “Uh huh. What’s it called?” 

Gestalt pulled it up on their phone quickly while they waited in their car. “_ Up _.” Myfanwy opened the door to the main floor. 

“You want to go see it?” 

They shrugged. “Only if you do.” 

“Yeah, alright. Just....” She scratched the back of her neck. “Don’t... tell Farrier.” 

“About the movie?” It wasn’t against the rules to socialize outside of work. 

Myfanwy let out a huff and put her hands on her hips. “Alright. Keep pretending you didn’t see anything. That works, too.” 

They walked her out to her car. “Will you tell me about it?” 

Myfanwy hit the lock on her door. “It really wasn’t anything.” 

“But-” 

“Hey, if it’s ever something serious, I’ll tell you first. Okay?” 

Gestalt grimaced. They wanted to push for answers, but they knew when to back off. They stood and watched Myfanwy drive out of the parking complex before getting in their own vehicle and heading home.

* * *

“Anything?” Conrad asked. 

“Train collision in Dusseldorf, some kind of fire starter in the Greek Islands.” 

“Nothing that screams Myfanwy.” 

“Keep looking. She’s out there somewhere.” Conrad’s order was pointless. He knew that by now. Gestalt would never stop searching for her.

* * *

Myfanwy had her head in Eliza’s lap and her feet in Robert’s. She sat up occasionally to take a drink of her wine. They were on a Keira Knightley movie fest. She was Myfanwy’s favorite actress. They’d made it to _ Atonement _ before Myfanwy began her drunken rambling. 

“Really, you’re just like a normal person. So what I’m saying is if you can hunt and track EVAs without an offensive EVA maybe I can, too.” She sat up and took a sip of her wine before flopping back onto Eliza’s lap. 

“You are the _ only _ one who would ever call me normal.” 

Myfanwy blew a raspberry and shut her eyes. “Farrier would never let me get away with it.” 

“Well, that’s probably due mostly to your extreme aversion to guns.” 

Myfanwy sat up and glared at Teddy. “It is _ not _ extreme.” 

“I saw you cleaning your desk the other day. You picked your gun up like you were the claw machine and it was the prize.” 

“I was half afraid you’d drop it and it’d go off.” 

Myfanwy crossed her arms over her chest indignantly and dropped her head back onto Eliza. She swayed as she fell back and ended up slamming her head into their knees. She let out a yelp and rolled onto her side, clutching her head. 

“Are you alright?” 

Myfanwy shook her head. Her lower lip jutted out pitifully. 

“Do you want some ice?” 

She nodded, still pouting. 

Teddy stood abruptly, accidentally knocking into one of the glass birds on her window ledge. It teetered and smashed onto the floor. 

“Shit. Sorry!” They jumped into clean up mode. 

Myfanwy sat up again and stared at the shattered remains of her bird. Something indescribable swept over her as she stared at it. She slid off the couch and picked up a piece that might’ve been the beak at one point. 

“Don’t touch it! You’ll get hurt.” Gestalt took the glass fragment away from her and dropped it in the wastebasket. 

Myfanwy sat looking stricken for another moment. Out of the blue, she threw her arms around Gestalt’s neck and held on for dear life. They hugged her back tentatively. They weren’t sure what this new development meant. 

After a few minutes, her quiet snores sounded in their ear. They gave a defeated sigh and lifted her into their arms to carry her to bed. They impulsively pressed their lips to her forehead as they tucked her in. She smiled and snuggled deeper into her pillows.

* * *

They were reviewing passenger manifests for the ports when their phone rang. They’d never felt so much hopefulness well up just from seeing Ingrid’s name on the screen. They slid the green circle over. 

“Yes, Ingrid?” 

_ Please be good news. _

_ “ _I’m not Ingrid. I need you to listen to me.” 

“Myfanwy?” Their hearts stopped and started all over again. 

They grabbed Conrad and swarmed the conference room. They put the phone on speaker so they wouldn’t have to repeat anything to Conrad later. 

“Look, I was just at Victor Danilov’s residence. They’re holding an auction. They have Linda.” 

_ She was.... _

_ He’s a known affiliate of the Lugat. _

_ An auction? _

_ That means.... _

_ “ _Where are you now?” They couldn’t keep the panic down. “Are you hurt?” 

“It doesn’t _ matter _! I need you to go to her now!” She’d never sounded like that before. They were sure she’d been hurt. Terrified. Alone. 

They’d left her alone. 

Again. 

They’d let her get attacked. 

Again. 

“Myfanwy, you need to ** run **.” The Lugat would be hunting her even more so now. She knew too much. 

“I’m not leaving without her.” 

The line went dead. Gestalt wanted to move right then. They wanted to burn down the whole fucking Russian Embassy to ensure her safety. 

“Victor Donolov has full diplomatic immunity. It might as well be Russian soil,” some unhelpful retainer reported. 

Gestalt stared across the room at Conrad. They’d spent their entire lives with the Checquy. They never planned for anything beyond it. If Conrad stopped them from going. From rescuing Myfanwy and Farrier. Well... he couldn’t stop them. They’d go and damn the consequences. 

“We need to call the Home Secretary.” 

Gestalt followed him up to his office. They went down to the armory and began loading their pockets with smoke bombs, tranq guns, and security override hardware. 

The Home Secretary was being unsurprisingly resistant. Conrad, for his part, seemed almost as irritated as Gestalt was. He hung up and met Gestalt’s eyes. They waited. They were going to the compound whether he signed off on it or not. Maybe he understood that. He gave them an infinitesimal nod. 

Gestalt jumped to their feet. They had let Myfanwy down so much. So often. Every chance they had to help her, they threw away without realizing what they were doing. They weren’t doing it again. This time, they’d be there for her. They’d save her. Protect her. Do exactly what they always said they’d do, but never managed. 

They were armed with tranquilizers and smoke bombs. The guards at Donolov’s had rifles with real bullets. A tranquilizer had hurt plenty. They had no desire to get shot for real. They waited until they were in position. This was not how they thought they’d be spending their day when they woke up that morning. 

They took a deep breath and started their distraction at the front gate. It was enough for them to snag an access card from one of the guards nearest Alex. They moved to the security room to open the gates. There was only one guard in the security room. A cakewalk to plug in their anti-surveillance device. The cameras shut off and they moved into the hard part. 

Full, one-man assault on an ambassador’s compound. 

They moved quickly. Guards roamed every hallway, stairwell, and antechamber. Tranq first, ask questions later seemed like the best option. Even when it came to Victor Donolov himself. They hadn’t run into Myfanwy yet. It was either good or bad. Gestalt’s gut was leaning towards bad. How much worse could it get? 

They moved through a hallway checking every room. There was movement behind an opaque glass door. Gestalt readied their gun and set their hand on the knob. There was no element of surprise with this room. They hoped whoever was on the other side didn’t have a gun. 

They shoved the door open and could have cried with relief as their eyes landed on Myfanwy. They stepped inside the bathroom and shut the door. 

“Are you alright? Did they hurt you?” 

Myfanwy looked just as relieved to see them. 

_ Funny considering she was planning on leaving you just days ago. _

_ Or hours. _

_ If you look where you’re standing, you can’t really blame her. _

_ She’s had nothing but terrible things happen to her in the week that she can remember. _

_ “ _I’m fine. We need to find Lorik.” 

_ She must’ve hit her head. _

“Are you mad?” 

Myfanwy grabbed their arms. “Look, there are other EVAs in the auction but they won’t be sent to their buyers until _ he _ gives the go ahead.” 

She said it all with so much assurance there was no longer any doubt that she had been auctioned. 

“I’ve got to get you and Farrier out of here.” They twisted around and grabbed her wrist to tug her out of the bathroom. 

“No, _ listen _ to me.” She held them back. “If we find Lorik we can save the others.” 

_ She wants to save them more than she wants to save herself? _

It would be inspiring if they hadn’t spent the past six hours scared out of their minds that she was dead in a ditch somewhere. Or on a boat to the Bahamas and they would never see her again. 

“Why don’t you leave the operational stuff to the people that _ actually _know what they’re doing?” They could blame their harshness on their worry. “Let’s go.” 

Myfanwy still wouldn’t budge. They were prepared to throw her over their shoulder although that would not do a thing for their romantic notions. If anything, it would send her running in the opposite direction. 

“I’ll slow you down.” 

_ Throw her over your shoulder. _

They weren’t going to do that. Obviously. 

“Find Farrier. Come back for me.” 

_ She doesn’t call the shots. _

_ Though she does have a point. _

_ She’s so close. You can feel her even without touching her. _

_ It would be so easy to kiss her. _

_ Which you won’t do. _

_ Because that would be crossing about fifty lines. _

_ Not to mention, you are currently raiding an ambassador’s compound filled with about a thousand armed guards. _

_ Kiss her when it’s over. _

Gestalt took a breath and let go of her wrist. They moved to the door, but the idea of leaving her alone for even a second screamed of insanity. 

“Lock the fucking door.” 

They heard the lock click as they continued down the corridor. If Myfanwy was in this part of the house, that meant they were getting close. They continued down to the lower level. 

“Don’t move!” Gestalt froze and held their hands out, turning around. 

_ Van Syok. _

_ “ _Or I’ll blow your fucking....” 

Gestalt shot him in the back. Twice. 

_ Payback’s a bitch and so am I. _

They kicked him facedown onto the floor and kept moving. 

They found Farrier strapped into a wheelchair in front of a camera. She was in the last room on the ground floor. They couldn’t remember a time they’d ever seen her so messy. Worn. 

“Hello, you,” she said, tiredly. 

They moved through the room. Some poindexter with a briefcase stopped short when he saw them. It was only a tranq gun, but he didn’t know that. 

Gestalt glanced over at the monitors set up against the wall. There was a list of their recent auctions complete with pictures of the EVAs. A little girl that couldn’t be more than ten was just below.... Myfanwy. They hadn’t seen Myfanwy cry in years. She hadn’t even cried when they’d saved her from the Vultures on the train. Or when they’d taken her away from her sister at the park. Or after any of the other horrifying things that had happened to her over the past week. 

Rage filled them anew. Suddenly, a tranq dart wasn’t good enough for this creep. They pistol whipped him twice and finished him with a punch straight to his nose. Farrier wasn’t walking great. They didn’t know what they’d done to her, but they could worry about it later. Just then, they needed to get Myfanwy and leave. 

The bathroom door was unlocked when they reached it. Foolishly, they hoped it was just that Myfanwy had recognized them through the door. The bathroom was empty. 

Somehow, Gestalt wasn’t surprised. Only agitated. Worried. 

They came upon a couple of women in maids outfits. They back away from them along the kitchen counter. 

“Where’s Myfanwy Thomas? Is she here?” They knew they were only maids. The panic was taking over. The rage. “WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?” They screamed, knowing they didn’t have the answers they needed. 

_ Throw her over your shoulder and carry her out of here as soon as you lay eyes on her again. _

_ Stupid to leave her in that bathroom. _

_ Reckless. _

_ No wonder she doesn’t trust you. _

They continued their search as the emergency response vehicles showed up outside. Gestalt recognized a few of the police officers. The EMTs came to check on Farrier. They started to lead her away from them, but Farrier stopped them to get Gestalt’s attention again. 

“When you see Myfanwy, send her my way, would you?” 

They didn’t owe the woman anything as far as they were concerned, but they nodded nonetheless. 

It was ages before they caught sight of her coming through the smoke. In that time, they made a decision. Myfanwy was right. Every memory she’d made with them had been horrible. Awful. And Gestalt wasn’t sure they would ever be able to really separate their Myfanwy from this new one. They loved her. Even without her memories, they loved her. But they couldn’t keep expecting her to feel the same for them. She didn’t know them. Not really. Whatever memories she recovered didn’t change that. 

It was going to be impossible to watch her go. When she appeared before them again everything inside of them relaxed. It was suddenly much easier to breathe. They threw their arms around her in relief. Surprisingly enough, Myfanwy hugged them back. But only briefly. 

She kept moving, but they needed to tell her. They needed her to know. 

“Where’s Linda?” She asked before they could get two words out. 

“She’s been in the back waiting for a medic. She wanted to tell you something.” 

_ So do you. _

But it was too late once again. She was so much quicker now. Their Myfanwy used to dawdle. Take her time. They hurried forward and tapped her arm. 

“Hey.” All of their confidence vanished as soon as she turned to look at them. They took a breath. “I know you wanted to leave. And if you still do, I won’t be angry.” 

_ Oh, you sound like an idiot. _

_ She may not know you, but she sure as shit knows you’re a dumbass. _

They tucked their hands into the pockets on their jacket and looked at their feet. They had to work the courage back up to look her in the eyes again. “But I’ll miss you.” 

She gave them a small smile. More relaxed than they’d seen her maybe ever. Maybe they didn’t know each other, but Gestalt wanted to know this new Myfanwy. There was only one thing they wanted more. That was for her to be happy. 

“Thank you.” 

She turned away again. They let her go this time. They could let her go. As long as it was what she wanted. They would let her leave. Let her start a new life. A life just for her. It would kill them to do it, but there was no longer any doubt that they would. 

They loved her. That was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished a fic!! YAY!!!


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